Out of my Mind

This much, and no more.

2012-02-08T22:17:00.001+05:30

I have often wondered,
if it could be really true,
that there is a very finite number,
of breaths preassigned to you.

Before you even enter this world,
your heart beats are fixed I'm told,
it'll stop once those are done,
no matter how young you are, or old.

Does the rule apply to tears as well?
or can they generate themselves at will?
Is that why they come when you want them least?
Just well right up and spill?

When you laugh out loud at something,
is there a lethal dose?
Lest you have none left over,
when you need to laugh the most!

What of friends and family?
Is there a limit on those too?
If you have a blessed childhood,
are the grown up friends just a few?

And the words that fly back and forth,
are they well rationed too?
Use just so with this person,
and then a full stop you should bring it to.

I have heard it said before,
but I could never believe it was true,
Now I am not so sure any more,
maybe its all so fixed, there is nothing you can do!

Through any looking glass...

2012-01-29T19:28:00.003+05:30

It should have happened long ago,

maybe when we had just met,

but in the humdrum of daily life,

to ask, I did forget.

But now that I have some time,
to pause and give it thought,
the things that I have never done before,

I catch myself doing them a lot.

Sometimes when I pass something
in which I catch a glimpse of me,

I find myself looking carefully.
and wonder what it is you see.

Do you, when you look at me,

see what everybody else does?,
Or do you see me differently,
and does it set your heart abuzz?

Is there at all any thing special in me

that only you can see?

Something that none else can,

something that makes me, me.

The love that finds expression there,

is that what you see in the eyes?

Do they tell you of the longing too,

the hope that there will be no goodbyes?

Do you just see my smile,

the one that all the others do?

Or also see that the smile happens,

each time I think of you.

The pulse leaping in my throat,

does it look like its reaching out to you?
Spelling out exactly what I feel,

almost as if on cue.

Do the restless hands tell you their story,
of a longing to be held,
In your hands that fit so perfectly
they seem into one just meld.

Oh, for once to see myself,
exactly as only you must do.
I wonder what it is you see,
and would I see myself that way too?!

These and many such questions,
often go through my mind,
when I catch my reflection,
sometimes in the daily grind!!

Only for me.

2012-01-24T11:23:00.004+05:30

Have you ever done something
that feels righter than right?
Like something that was meant to be,
something that set the stars alight.

Something that comes from your soul,
or maybe reaches out to yours,
it feels like it has naught to do,
with the world and its earthly scores.

Something that you have done,
just for yourself alone,
not who you have become,
in all the relationships you own.

It may not be something,
that people around you think you must.
Just something that you want to do,
because you put your instinct first.

It may not at all affect,
all those you have around,
or it may encompass each and every one of those,
who in your life abound.

Doing what ever you need to do,
as you go along in life
how often do you think of anything,
other than the daily strife?

How would you know what it is,
that makes you feel just so?
Well, just know it has to do with you alone,
that sets you happily aglow.

So if you ever get a chance,
to do something that ordinarily can never be,
let your fears not hold you back,
and watch your heart soar free.

If you have never done anything,
that felt righter than right,
do something just for yourself once,
that will set those stars alight!

Look, leap, live.

2012-01-19T20:28:00.005+05:30

I was always told to weigh things well,
before I took a step, big or small.
'Look before you leap' was so inbred,
I was cautious to leap, lest I fall.

Sound advice, that any can take,
a recipe to live life by,
With care and caution you could do well,
till it's time for you die.

To look at every pro and con,
before I made up my mind,
to look and read between the lines,
before anything I ever signed.

To consider all that was possible,
to think of the probable,
to ponder what could have been,
and what may be applicable.

So sound was every step I took,
it seemed to be resonate,
think, think and think again
lest you get it wrong and the future detonate.

The more closely I looked at things,
the more the flaws appeared,
things that at first seemed like adventure,
became monsters to be feared.

Oh not that it was bad advice,
because it did lead to a safer day,
while others stumbled and faltered through,
I had things go exactly my way.

Sometimes though when I catch a glimpse,
of the lost forks in the way,
I wonder if the dragons lurking there,
might have been better vanquished anyway.

The fights might have been dangerous
and at first I might have lacked the skills,
but once I got the hang of it,
it may have been full of thrills.

And I must have missed some fairies too,
and a few rainbows along the way,
looking and thinking in black and white,
kept brilliant colours at bay.

Good advice it may be,
to look before your every leap,
but for adventure, fairy tales and dragons along the way,
let some moments now and then, off your feet you sweep!!

While you were sleeping....

2012-01-10T11:26:00.010+05:30

Did you feel you missed yourself,
in the small hours of the night?
A funny feeling that you were not all there,
though asleep, in plain sight!

I know this, as you were with me last night,
of this I am very sure.
Your shoulder felt so comforting,
it was for every little ill, the cure.

You must have felt tired this morn.
from all the wandering,
How can I be feeling so?,
it must have left you wondering.

Let me tell you what happened to be,
that left you feeling so.
The details are hazy, but seemed just right,
and the world appeared aglow.

On a long journey the both of us,
as we drove some place I don't know.
The feeling when I leaned into your shoulder that once,
felt like coming home, after ages on the go.

The conversations that we had then.
on the silly, everyday, oh so mundane things,
I never knew of such complete bliss,
that the ordinary brings.

Those little things, those everyday happenings,
that pass by in a blur,
in that dream, I lived each one,
those images in sharper focus as it were.

How I wish it had lasted some more,
that brief slice of time I had with you.
But you just had to get back, before sleep broke,
and there was nothing more to do.

Thank goodness it happened though,
a taste of what it could, it should, it might be.
Next time too, I'll invite you in my dreams,
to savour reality!

Wishful!

2011-12-30T12:17:00.001+05:30

It's said be careful what you wish for,
because it just might come true.
and if that does so happen,
you might not know what next to do.

Hopes and wishes criss-cross our mind,
and a tangled web they weave,
that hold in those gossamer threads,
our happiness, we believe.

It seems in each one of us,
resides many a different person,
so you may want at the same time,
stillness and yet to be in motion.

Often all that we wish for,
may not be all in tandem,
and if we search within us,
may look at odds and random.

Wishes and hopes that take us,
up many a varied path,
are often what when fulfilled,
pull us this way and that..

Sometimes a wish fulfilled makes us greedy,
for more and more and more,
At others, does the wish lose its luster
leave you wondering what you were clamouring for?

Do wishes come tagged with,
a 'best by' expiration date?
After which even if they come true,
it's just too little and too late?

If wishes were just horses,
that we could easily get astride,
then would we cherish any when fulfilled,
or use and cast them aside?

Is there a limit on the number of wishes,
that are granted in a lifetime?
And as you get to the end of your share,
is there any tell-tale sign?

Does that mean you should ration,
with extreme care your wishes?
For that which you really need,
before your share is used up and perishes?

So be careful what you wish for,
it might just come true.
And if that does happen ,
you may not know what next to do!

A fairy(less) tale. Yet another frog!

2011-11-26T14:35:00.003+05:30

This is a story about winning,
and about what gets winners there,
about how its all within each one,
all he has to is dare.

Once there was a frog princess,
to whose hand every frog aspired.
the choice was for her very difficult,
she was beautiful and much admired.

At first the tests were rather simple,
and many suitors did just get through,
but slowly in time as they progressed,
things took on a tougher hue.

The final test had the worthy few,
who got through every test.
But this last one would tell surely,
who among them, was the very best.

The tower that the princess lived in,
was the tallest in every land,
He who could scale it well,
would win for himself, her pretty hand.

It was not a task for the faint hearted,
as you could even fall and die!
So were cautioned in advance,
those who wanted to give it a try.

So with caution most proceeded,
but for this one feisty guy.
While fear coloured all their hopes,
this one seemed to aim for the sky.

As the crowds beneath them shouted,
warnings and good luck slogans all,
they began their journey up,
their hopes and fears holding them in thrall.

The higher up they reached,
the more caution the crowds advised.
and the more they heeded everyone,
with less progress, they surprised.

One by one they fell by the way,
as they came to points they could not pass,
some travelled a little more,
but most joined below, the screaming mass.

At last, there was just the feisty one,
who hopped and leaped with heed to none,
He took his own time doing it,
but finally at the top was the only one.

As he kissed his blushing bride,
there was but one question on every lip.
The secret to his winning streak,
every one was hoping for this useful tip.

"You never seemed to need advice,
and single minded made it to the top".
"Pardon me for not paying heed,
I have a cold and my ears just wouldn't pop".

He could not hear well he said,
and had relied on himself and what he thought best.
The shouts and screams of the nay-sayers,
thus never gave him pause in his quest.

The moral to this un-fairy tale,
cannot be repeated often enough.
When we want to chase our dreams,
at times it is best to be just stone deaf!!

Another modern fairy tale!

2011-11-16T14:50:00.004+05:30

I grew up listening to these stories,
before I could even read,
Later on, books brought them alive,
and through many fantasies me lead.

The dragons, witches, villains too,
at first, all thrilled my heart,
but slowly I noticed that the princess did,
nothing but wait from the start.

Looking in every page,
for the girl I would like to grow up and be,
no matter how hard I looked,
I did not think any of them was me.

The story was so simple,
it seemed a surety
Why, it was every little girl's right,
to get a prince charming at maturity!

Snow white, Rose red, Cinderella, Rapunzel,
in fairy tales out west,
Sita, Draupadi, Rukmini in the east,
wed men who loved them best.

It mattered not who you were,
there was a prince for every princess in the land
Dwarfs, witches, wicked step- moms,
every peril did the love withstand.

But the more I thought, it seemed so odd,
that she waited for a prince to come along.
Could she not have just helped herself?
Their love might have been more strong.

Could Rapunzel not have used her hair,
and slid down the tall tower?
Cinderella, with her fairy godmother
had a better life, using all her power?

Princesses these days don't need,
rescuing anymore.
They can grab life by the horns
and settle their own score.

Men and women of today,
are no different in what they can do,
Getting together for a better life,
is what they need to do.

Now it can be a fairy tale,
if it has all on equal terms
a story that pulls at your heart strings,
solely for the love it reaffirms.

Helpless damsels in distress,
were the norm in every old fairy tale.
I have this sneaky suspicion,
the authors were all male!!

Powder and paint.

2011-11-05T12:49:00.000+05:30

Nose is so red,
feeling so blue,
the head aches dully,
and the eyes water too.

The problem begins ,
at the top of the head,
the hair caked and matted
looks completely dead.

The tips of the toes,
have not been spared too,
dry and so cracked,
they will not fit in any shoe.

Nowhere to run,
as the dust flies around,
nowhere to hide
fumes every corner abound.

When will it end,
cannot be answered by any.
What do you do?
It is self inflicted agony!!.

Everything else after,
may look ever better
save my own self,
that will never recover.

Woe betide thoughts of beauty,
that held me in sway,
Now, wish the house painters,
would just go away!!!

Me and you and everyone.

2011-11-01T16:51:00.005+05:30

Human mind is a funny thing,
on what it lavishes care.
We fret about how we look,
and choose accessories with care.

We agonise over the phone we buy,
wanting the latest and the best,
but so lost are we in the quest for more,
for leisurely chats are hard pressed.

We talk a lot about making the world,
a nicer, better place,
but when it comes to doing something,
it's just an empty phrase.

We often confuse happiness,
as having the best of everything,
never thinking that it could be about,
on our blessings focusing.

We put together such lovely homes,
with all that money can buy,
but often don't spend time in them,
as for the next on the "get" list we try

We think nothing of crossing the line,
never mind what a child's interest,
fulfilling our expectations
becomes Love's litmus test.
.
If we think it looks good for us,
we spend generously too,
on looks and clothes and status symbols,
and boast of the charity we do.

Lip service to any cause that counts,
is what we do the best,
Appearances are paramount,
public perception, the acid test.

Human mind is a funny thing,
as it never realizes how,
by keeping up and cloning everyone,
we dilute our very being somehow.

Festive sheen

2011-10-30T22:35:00.005+05:30

It was a very festive time of year,
that time to have it all.
Treats, lights and everything new,
for everyone, big and small.

Glitzy, glittery and shining new,
everyone was busy touting wares.
It was not about if you needed it or not,
but showing the world you had umpteen spares.

In the middle of all the melee,
so out of place she did seem,
thin, waif like, almost ethereal.
like glimpses from a forgotten dream.

Now you saw her and now you didn't,
lost in bright lights and the milling crowd.
Out of place in the razzle dazzle
her presence did some mystery shroud.

A tattered bundle was all she had,
held tightly in her hand
seeming torn between taking flight
rooted like a statue, did she stand.

Advancing, almost trance like,
she seemed to plead with me,
Offering me the little bundle,
so that I could better see.

Intrigued by that gesture then ,
I stepped up for a closer look.
A small baby slept curled inside,
for what a clothes bundle I mistook.

"Give me anything that you have right now.
Just take her away from me.
I have nothing left now, to give her,
and responsible for her cannot be."

As a mother of young children myself,
I felt a flood moral outrage.
How could a mother give away her child
no matter what hunger she needed to assuage?

She shrank within, as I accused her,
of stealing for money, that little baby.
A mother would have sold herself,
or died in the attempt maybe!!

"I tried" she cried, "but no one wants,
to buy a mother with child",
Saying so, she turned and ran,
her voice echoing, ringing wild.

The festive night was upon us
all dressed up and places to go,
we celebrated late into the night,
with laughter, lights, stories and more

Along with other stories regaled,
I told of the woman who kidnapped to sell,
All my friends and family agreed,
to drive her away, I did well..

The next morning as I read the news
this story jumped out at me.
A baby had been flung to death.
by a man who paid for the mother's body.

The woman had then killed the man.
a loose woman, it implied.
In such auspicious climes for her body to sell,
could she not something else have tried?.

The glittering goods, the festive shine,
did not dim the least,
For, a woman who tried to sell a child and killed a man,
just had to be a beast!!

Happy Diwali everyone!

What women want....

2011-10-25T10:44:00.026+05:30

Diamonds are a girl's best friend,
gold is warm and friendly too,
cash can be comforting,
these days, even plastic cards will do!!

While these might all do very well,
for life's dark and rainy day
It takes much more to impress girls,
no matter what you've heard say.

Any one with cash to spare,
can gold and diamonds procure,
but to make it truly magical,
your heart and soul in it you must pour.

A few warm words, a hug sometimes,
and a loving look, straight into her eyes,
some pretty flowers, trinkets and more,
are all just words to the wise.

Most importantly, you will need to listen,
to what she has to say.
Then give it all the thought it needs,
let not impatience lead you astray.

When once you have learnt to listen,
everything will fall in place.
You will know exactly what she needs,
and with your winning ways, amaze.

No matter how absurd they seem,
be there for her, to quiet her fears,
and even if you cannot understand,
gently wipe away her tears.
.
There may be times when logic fails,
why she should never cry ,
At such times just be that strong shoulder,
on which her tears can dry.

Big, garish, expensive gifts
might not ever do the trick.,
but she'd love something that says you understand,
exactly what makes her tick.

Just what she means to you,
and how much she lights up your life,
is what she needs to hear from you,
in times of calm or strife.

Sleep-ins and breakfasts in bed,
a deep kiss for no reason,
a tender touch, a loving pat,
that tell of a love for every season.

But mind, no matter what you do,
you must remember this,
if it does not come from the heart,
it will not her ever please.

Once she knows you love her so,
that no one can her ever replace,
gold and diamonds, material things,
become unimportant,oh so common place!

So should you ever want to know,
what it is a woman wants,
just remember nothing pleases her more,
than knowing your heart and soul she haunts!!

Heroes

2011-10-23T16:18:00.006+05:30

Heroes do not always,
stand out to every eye
Some times they are so hard to spot,
they look like the next door guy.

They can almost never fly,
and have no dazzling capes to drape,
Tall, short, small or large,
they come in every size and shape.

Lightning flashes never announce,
their arrival on the scene,
and sometimes they just go away,
as if they never have been.

Fame night never light their way,
and there may be no awards,
the world may never know of them,
they'd break no records.

Super speed, flashing lights,
tolling bells or puffs of smoke,
none of these will you ever see
no matter how hard you look.

If you find all this hard to believe,
it is not so hard to prove
Just look closely at your life,
and you'll see who your life did improve.

There are some people in your life
who are the ones that make you, 'you!'
some you acknowledge openly,
while some you never do.

It may be your first grade teacher,
who taught you to deal with a bully
or the friend who gave you good advice,
that helped when followed truly.

A parent who gave you the courage to try,
and follow your heart's desire,
even for what the world did say,
it was out of your reach to aspire.

An uncle an aunt, a brother, a mate,
who wiped your tears and stood by you in your lows.
True heroes who managed to ensure,
you life smoothly flows.

The ones who make you who you are
and help you everything sort.
Every life has its share of heroes,
whether you acknowledge them or not!

So next time you think of a hero,
just look closer home.
Knowing them might inspire,
you to be one, for some!!

Hebephrenia ... anyone?

2011-10-17T11:56:00.002+05:30

Parenting... parenting teenagers especially, has people pulling their hair out. Not the easiest people to understand at best of times, living with teenagers can drive the best of us round the bend never mind how much you love them. A recent and much needed addition to my vocabulary is 'Hebephrenia' that defines the disorganized behaviour of young adults/ teens. So finally there is a word that tells it all. Makes me feel better that there are enough parents being tormented that they have to have a word for it!! But some times we need more than one word.... A friend and someone who also dabbles with words, wrote these in a moment of frustration, irritation... about her fourteen year old... .... A wonderful mother, Mridu uses a mix of humour, firmness, discipline and loads of love to parent her two lovely kids. She is my guest blogger for this post.

-

Everyday I believe in you
Everyday you let me down
You say you will be back by 6:30
I wait the hour, confident you will be back
Everyday you come well past the time,
When an excuse of five-10 minutes delay
That makes me believe that you tried
Is also not possible
Everyday I believe in you
Everyday you let me down

You say you love life and want the best for yourself
Yet do everything in a manner that is totally contrary
You seem to understand what I explain
I believe there will be a change
Everyday I am confident that this is a day
That the start of change is happening
And I can say you have got a hold of your life
As the day ends you seem clueless where the thread of your life lies, forget holding it
I can’t even pretend that the start to grasping the thread of your life has begun
Everyday I believe in you
Everyday you let me down

I just want you to be happy today and tomorrow
And I firmly believe that it is possible to be happy both today and tomorrow
You too seem to believe in my belief
But your actions say that one is at the expense of others
I can’t bear the thought of you defeated, unhappy, unsure in future
So I still believe in you
And hope that you will not let me down tomorrow.

Ominous

2011-10-15T19:02:00.003+05:30

Outside the window last night,
there seemed someone on the prowl,
looking in, beady eyed,
it was a great big owl.

Talking of this next morning,
I was told it was not a good omen.
'Did it enter your home?
oh, that should never happen!'

Do animals I wonder,
ever talk of how they spent their day?
Did the owl go home and discuss,
the humans he'd seen on his way?

Did his folks also warn him,
to keep away from all things human?
Did they say that humans
for any other species, can be a bad omen?

If a cat by just crossing our path
can bring ill luck to us,
do we by crossing her path,
foretell a bad day for the puss?

A rabbit's foot by some of us,
may be thought of as lucky,
But having had to give up his foot,
just how lucky can the rabbit be?

As for those night time creatures,
the bats give some the shivers,
while for yet other people,
they are just good luck givers.

We do not even spare,
the tiny bugs and the beetles.
While some think of spiders as creepy,
others see in them, the end of their troubles.

Why do the 'mighty' humans,
who think of them selves as 'best',
need the 'lesser' mortals,
and in them such meaning invest?!

Can not the high and mighty,
depend on themselves?
It might be more fitting ,
if for inner strength each one delves!

.

To be sleeping..... beauty!

2011-10-13T18:48:00.003+05:30

Have you ever wondered,
how life would be after a hundred years of sleep?
And to wake up with a dreamy kiss,
from a man who loves you deep.

Sleeping beauty might have had a tale,
worthy of big screen glamour and glitz
But ask a woman worth her salt,
and she'll confess, those are the intriguing bits.

Oh it is very nice to be an only child,
welcomed with love and open arms.
To be so blessed by fairies and lesser folks,
that you live life on your terms.

To be beautiful and virtuous,
and have the world at your beck and call.
To have the world as your personal oyster,
and everyday a fancy ball!

The envy though of everyone,
especially of the moms and married ones,
is the long deep sleep
and a kiss that your senses truly stuns.

For the riches you can acquire,
the virtues cultivate,
beauty even comes in bottles now,
that can be bought before it gets out of date.

But waking up same after such long sleep,
is on every woman's wish list,
And then no questions on dinner, only a passionate kiss,
is the best ever fairy tale twist!!

Snips and snails and puppy dog tails!

2011-10-09T19:48:00.004+05:30

The one thing I have noticed
in my life all along,
is that when men try to tell you things,
they often get it wrong.

It does not matter what their age,
they have one thing in common.
They find it hard to say simple things,
especially about emotion.

They often display anger brilliantly
and show irritation well,
but ask them about tender feelings,
and it's like they are under a mute spell.

Maybe it begins at birth,
as little girls smile and coo when satisfied.
while little boys just grunt and sleep
unless when upset enough, they cried.

True to their selves they get excited by
snips and snails and puppy dog tails.
Frogs, buttons and gadgets hold them spellbound,
better then princess tales.

The hugs they just suffer through,
and the kisses they endure,
when all they prefer to talk about,
is sports, games and how they score.

It might just change a little bit,
as big boys they become,
the games change to include now,
girls, girls, girls and then some.

Oh their fluency would impress you,
and lead you to believe,
that they can say exactly what would please,
each and every eve.

But don't let that ever fool you though,
they are still those little boys,
the ones that rather have teeth pulled out,
than their deepest feelings voice.

So it can be all up to you,
to figure out what they mean,
or else it might take a lifetime for you,
to some sense from their conversation glean.!!

Death tell us apart.

2011-10-06T22:13:00.006+05:30

The first thing I remember growing up,
was this girl next door to me.
So well liked and popular,
all I wanted then, was just like her to be.

I copied all she did and said,
and almost became a second her.
It thrilled me when all praised me too,
like clones or twins we were.

When I grew up some more then,
and found I was expected,
to be more just like my loving mom,
so it was her persona I perfected.

On and off it happened again,
at times, it was a teacher much admired,
at others an aunt, a cousin or a friend,
each one in turn, in me I acquired.

At times I heard a voice inside,
that asked if this was all that life meant to me,
but I quelled it right there and then,
as I focused on who next I should be.

One by one, they did pass on,
and of the pretense I grew weary.
At long last then, I did ask of death,
when she would come for me.

She looked at me surprised and asked
Just who are you? Have you not died many times?
The people who you wanted to be,
their going was one of the signs.

Each time you became someone else,
you lost a part of you.
You were so good at being them,
as yourself, not a thing did you do.

While it is good to be inspired,
by all those around you see,
when you never fight for your identity,
you eventually cease to be.

I am not so sure when it will be your time
because you have never ever lived.
All you did was be someone else,
In your self you never believed.

No matter how good someone else,
true to yourself you must be.
Only then can you claim or say,
you've lived or died fully!!

Memory lane

2011-10-06T03:22:00.001+05:30

If you should ever wander,
down memory lane,
you almost get that feeling,
of living your life again.

Of course, it may not always be,
what you might expect.
Oh, there are those highs you look for,
also some downs you never suspect.

Some memories brilliant and colourful,
dazzling by their shine.
Some so drab and so weathered,
showing signs of dust and decline.

Like a very interesting maze,
to which you have the keys,
you slip in and out easy,
through a crowd of memories.

The echoes of some past laughter,
and the happy glow,
it comes alive that instant,
even if it happened long ago.

Then there are some corners
you'd rather not explore,
for the fear of the pain and darkness,
that they still might hold in store.

Memories always do something ,
bring you pleasure or pain.
Some even so powerful,
the future they ordain.

When you look back at them,
lying strewn around,
some of them are keepers,
while some better buried underground.

Big, bad or small or ugly,
they define who you are.
They help to keep you anchored,
should you ever drift afar.

And even if nothing matters,
this is a walk all must take,
going down memory lane,
just for old time's sake!

Rooted unreality

2011-10-03T17:34:00.002+05:30

Do you ever remember
that childhood game of 'pretend'?
You were who you wanted to be,
and did reality suspend.

An engine driver for a day,
when the engine was not even there.
Oh those delicious meals you created,
that came and disappeared into thin air.

You were who you chose to be,
from one day to the next.
Nothing stopped you from pretending,
you were what you loved best.

You were so all-powerful,
you saved the world all alone,
Or just waited for your prince charming,
to share your beautiful throne.

That world of make believe,
was so very wonderful.
It may not have meant much to anyone,
but for you it was very real.

Then you had to grow up,
and leave that world behind.
You were told it did not work that way,
just because you had it in your mind.

Pretend though you still did,
as you faced the daily grind.
You just clothed it in better words,
as with 'diplomacy' you arrived.

Whatever got you ahead,
is what you said you liked.
No matter what the reality,
you had yourself well psyched.

That may be the way of the world,
and necessary to live,
but here is another thought,
you may want some time to give.

Diplomacy and fantasy,
that help handle the adult world today,
are grown from seeds that as children,
were planted yesterday.

So next time you get stuck for an answer,
and don't know what to do,
just go back into that carefree childhood,
and it may just come to you!

Justice served

2011-10-01T11:04:00.006+05:30

This is an interesting age we live in,
for justice is well served,
just ask the man leaving his girl friends place,
caught on camera, felt unnerved.

His wife left him and he felt bad,
so he did the only thing he could.
He waged a case against the picture,
and found wealth he otherwise never would.

In another story, a little woman,
ordered a hot drink to soothe her nerves.
So upset was she, when she spilled it on herself.
she felt legal redress was the only course.

The battle went on for a bit,
as it was felt she should have known,
that when you ask for something hot,
you should never tip it on your gown.

In what was thought as perfect justice,
they settled the battle well.
Richer than she could ever hope for,
the signs of the hurt the wealth did dispel.

Recently a young man claimed,
that he had done some research.
That a scent meant to attract lady loves,
did nothing for him, except his name besmirch.

So he too gained enough wealth,
to make up for his lost name.
making everyone wonder how,
they too could be winners in such game.

The moral of these stories is.
that modern life is fair and just.
It may break all rules of good sense,
but for wealth, fight for a silly cause you must!!

Words in stone.

2011-09-30T23:00:00.002+05:30

This you may have heard before,
it is so oft repeated,
that sticks and stones, may break bones
but with words no hurt can be meted.

What strength do mere words have,
as compared to solid stone and stick?
They can always force a point home,
better than fragile words you hear and ink.

While one can't dispute the simple truth
that bones broken bones will ache,
the ache subsides in sometime,
if the right remedies you take.

On the other hand, the words we use everyday,
just slip quietly by,
so familiar, so many, so everywhere,
we ignore what they can do or deny.

But there are times when a simple word,
can change your very world.
A word can cause you to crash or soar,
depending on what you are told.

Words can cut deeper than swords,
to wounds that might never heal,
and even if they manage to,
the scars nothing can conceal.

Words can also act as salve,
to the bruised or broken spirit.
They can reach deep into the soul
and give it the greatest lift.

The power to hurt and the power to heal,
the power that words can wield.
While sticks and stones can only hurt,
words can fit every need !!

An afterlife story

2011-09-08T10:48:00.007+05:30

He had put his life together,
slowly piece by piece,
and made a great big fortune,
built a life of ease.

Now that he was getting on,
he knew his end was near,
the only thing that bothered him,
was leaving back all that was dear.

Oh, he knew that his loved ones,
would follow him some day.
It was his treasured possessions,
he'd have to leave and go away.

Was there a way that he could,
take it all along with him,
for a man who cracked countless deals,
could he crack one with HIM?

Determination had got him,
all that he could ask,
to get god to make an exception,
he set himself the task.

He prayed and put himself through,
the hardest penance ever,
The 'powers that be' relented,
and blessed his endeavour.

The joy almost killed him,
but he managed to get it together,
and converted all his wealth,
into the most precious thing ever.

Relieved at his good fortune,
he dreamed of a great afterlife,
A time and place so wonderful,
so peaceful and without any strife.

The day arrived at long last,
when he made his journey onward.
fraught with difficulties though it was,
he managed to carry the wealth forward.

At the gates he got crowded,
for all had heard of the miracle,
that he could carry what he wanted,
unheard of in the life and death cycle.

With bated breath all waited,
as the bags were duly unlocked,
When they saw what was inside,
it left them all very shocked.

Why would you need to bring along,
something so worthless and abundant?
Of all the things he could have ,
he'd brought with him some pavement.

He had forgotten in his worldly wisdom,
what he'd been repeatedly been told
that the streets of heaven were paved,
with precious stones and gold.

So next time you ask for anything,
be of somethings wholly aware,
what may be great for the here and now,
may be totally worthless elsewhere!!

P.S. Be careful what you ask for,
It might just come true
and when it does it just might,
not be what is best for you.

Hidden treasure.

2011-08-29T16:58:00.003+05:30

Have you ever stored away,

a feeling like it were a rare treasure?
So precious, you felt you must,
examine it at leisure.

Almost as if viewing it in public,
soils it somewhat.
As if it were a rare and beautiful,
irreplaceable work of art

It could be a feeling,
a thought or an emotion,
something that was said to you,

or even just a notion.
.

You hoard it like a miser,
taking it out with great care,
gloating over it a for just a bit,
with the rest of the world unaware.

It may be a well kept secret,
or something that all do know,
but the meaning that it holds for you,

does not to others show.

That delight you felt when your baby,
first called you mother,
or that moment when you first realized,
that you were deeply loved by another.

What makes it even more precious,
is that it feels like custom made.
It warms and comforts only you,
that feeling nothing can abrade.

It may just make you feel,
loved more or just wanted,
remind you of the good times,
and in life's lows,to go on undaunted.

No matter what else money can buy,
it cannot match such a feeling,
the strength of such emotions,
give life its very meaning.

Joys may grow on sharing,
and sorrows may diminish,
but there are some such feelings,
that are only our own to cherish!

A childhood dream

2011-08-25T14:46:00.002+05:30

As he sat beside those pots,
made out of mud and clay,
he seemed to meld right in,
in that earthy array.

Young and strong and eager to help,
he carried and he fetched,
and did exactly as he was bid,
covered in dusty rusty red.

He seemed so quick on his feet,
and sharp with cost and price.
He seemed to have everything on finger tips,
in dealing with all so wise.

Impressed with his winning ways,
she had got him books to read,
to replace the ones she'd seen him with,
all tattered and dog eared.

Excited at receiving gifts,
that he had never expected to,
he flipped through them,
putting them away, profusely thanked her too.

Smilingly she asked him if,
he would, a story to her read,
He could not read, he said dismayed,
or else he would have hastily agreed.

At school? she asked,
wondering how he could have missed it out.
He shook his head and said simply,
'Work and earn for family I can't do without.'

To her great surprise, he confessed,
he'd never been inside a school.
The books, he said, were just his dream,
someday he hoped to learn to read up whole.

Learning comes all through life,
but school, friends, teachers; happy childhood for all.
Losing a childhood dream is sad,
but imagine having no childhood at all!

Luck by chance!!

2011-08-24T11:19:00.000+05:30

You can never say if you are lucky or not,
till you are dead and done.
You cannot be sure of what you've gained or lost.
till beyond the grave you're gone.

If you don't get what you think,
is for you, the very best,
you might feel very low right then,
but with greater happiness be blessed.

There is an Indian fable,
that tells this very well.
Its about this king who got injured,
when off his horse he fell.

It was all so frustrating,
the pain and the discomfort.
It put him in a terrible temper,
every movement a terrible effort.

Not only did he curse his fate,
he also had all those fired,
who said it just might be a blessing,
no matter what transpired.

So full of pity for himself,
he was lost to all good sense,
he fell right into a trap,
making the situation more tense.

A sacrificial offering to the gods,
he seemed certain to be,
his fate was almost sealed,
when they chanced his injuries to see.

Finding him less than perfect,
as an offering has to be,
they did not go through with it,
and right then set him free.

In pain, but full of gratitude,
for escaping a fate so terrible,
he made it back to his palace,
as soon as he was able.

Right away he called a meeting,
and summoning those he had fired,
apologized profusely for his conduct,
with humility newly acquired.

He said he saw the wisdom,
in what they had advised.
How even adversity can be,
a blessing, well disguised.

So the next time you are tempted,
to say things never go your way,
remember this story,
and know for sure, you can never say!!

Theme for a dream.

2011-08-23T06:16:00.005+05:30

In soft day light,

that seems almost hesitant to intrude,

the rumpled bed, the sound of rain,

setting a mellow mood.

Neither awake, nor asleep,
in so beautiful a daze.
It could only be a dream,
one of those a rose tinted days.

The arm flung so carelessly,
seems almost by accident,

it encounters the bare skin,

in a gesture most eloquent.

Cocooned in a careless hug,

that tells so much, many different things,

of passion, of whispered sweet nothings,

when time just flies on wings.

It tells of times spent together,
of familiarity and of love,

of promises of more to come,

or just of contentment for now.

It seems so very precious,
a different coming together,
stillness and calm saying so much more.
than all the words can, ever!

If there was ever a theme for a dream,
it would be this, right here.
Some times in life and in love,
its the simple, you most desire.

The gender story

2011-08-22T11:36:00.001+05:30

Life begins just the same,
no matter what your gender.
Boy or girl,aren't they all the same,
in ways that really matter?

They blossom and flourish,
with tender love and care,
and wilt into nothingness,
if they don't get their fair share.

They have the same milestones too,
as they sit, talk and crawl,
falling, crying and smiling,
as they follow nature's rule.

As they grow, they aspire,
to the very same things.
acceptance and belonging,
some roots and some wings.

They seem to grow up different,
because they are told to be that way.
Our fears and hopes change them,
with every passing day.

Why do we mostly choose,
to seek and find the difference,
even when they are all the same,
in their very essence?

The differences that seem so apparent,
and create a great divide,
are necessary to complete the whole,
not one can be cast aside.

Those who treat them differently,
based just on their gender,
forget nature's basic rule,
if you have one, you still need the other!

Back to the future

2011-08-21T16:05:00.001+05:30

If only we could end up,
where we should have begun,
if life just went full circle,
tracing back through it's run..

Imagine what it would be like,
if life were in reverse,
knowing all that we could know,
master situations most perverse.

Our future would be in the past,
which would make it easier to see,
based on how we are at that point,
can predict what happened to be.

Growing older and then wiser,
is not really of much use.
If only one had wisdom to start with,
bad choices to refuse.

Mother, friend or lover,
become better with advancing age,
if experience and wisdom were from the start,
no one would need advice sage.

Would it not be for the best,
if we could turn life on its head,
be born old knowing all,
growing young as each day into another led.

It would be twice as good,
to have youth and wisdom side by side,
as often we have just the one,
while the other one does hide.

Its such a waste of wisdom,
to have it at the end,
if one could just live backwards,
there might be lot less to repent!

Sugar and spice

2011-08-20T08:09:00.003+05:30

Little girls are made of sugar and spice,
and also all things very nice,
but what they will be, when grown up,
is hard to predict, even if one tries.

Does the sugar crystallize
and become hardened over time?
or does the spice become fine,
and heady like fine wine.

It all depends on what happens,
as life rumbles on,
exactly what she deals with,
each night and every morn.

Love and encouragement,
sweeten and mellow spice,
bringing to all she touches,
grace and love always.

Should the spirit be broken,
with harsh words and lack of care,
the sugar hardens rock like,
ensuring a lifelong nightmare.

When the hand that rocks the cradle,
is treated with disdain,
no matter what else happens,
for all, there will be great pain.

P.S.Thinking about some helpless innocent,
ill treated for being a girl,
makes the blood boil,
and sends the head into a whirl.

I don't protest!

2011-08-19T15:32:00.006+05:30

Last evening I was at the protest rally in Pune. And if anyone does not know what rally ... the protest rally was in support of Anna Hazare and his campaign against corruption. I do not know if we need another body to police anyone, but I know that we each have the right to peaceful protest. That a government of the people for the people and by the people could imprison their own, in one of it's most notorious prisons, is an absolute 'no no' in my book.

The newspaper puts the count at thirty thousand people. What is amazing is that it was completely peaceful, without incident and 'clean' as one young girl put it.. All those youngsters,... it was mostly them.. gender no bar, from every corner of Pune, brought together for their country, as they put it. One young girl said "hum nahin karenge, toh kaun karega?" For all those who lament about the blase, know it all, generation who would not lift a finger for anyone else, you were in for a surprise. It was wonderful to see so many youngsters, all very charged by the cause. They seemed clear on why they were there as well. It would not be business as usual for them they claimed. Not everyone at the rally may become a model citizen overnight, but this seems to have given a hook for some change. they said they would never again pay the small bribes which do not even seem to be bribes anymore.. like the one given for recovering impounded vehicles. They pucca promised that they would rather pay the challan money to the right authorities, even if it meant paying more. They said they would vote the next time, so they could have a voice. It has made them politically and socially aware and galvanised them into action.All of which augur well for democracy.Even if not everyone changes, some will!

I was born after India gained independence, but this gave a hazy glimpse into what it might have been, bound together by a common cause. It cut across boundaries of caste, community, religion language, education and even political leanings..... There were national flags everywhere, even painted on cheeks. The lokpal , how it helps, who it helps, whether it helps is yet to come.. but this has definitely united people as nothing else before it, since independence. I was witnessing unity in diversity last evening. Whatever happens next .. the bonding is a definite victory! So never mind which side you are on, and whether you think Anna Hazare is right or wrong.. whether you agree with his method or not... there is something in it for everyone.

Measure of love

2011-08-17T20:12:00.001+05:30

It is not a very common thing,
that anyone ever thinks about,
but if we ever have to measure love,
just how exactly do we work it out?

How can we ever, ever know,
the love anyone says they do.
Mother, brother, lover, friend,
all swear to the love most true.

It's easier when we are born to it,
we have never a reason for doubt.
But those who choose to let us in their hearts,
we feel not so sure about.

Why is blood so much more thick,
than those gossamer bonds of the soul?
We are so afraid that it might not be,
we are even willing to let go of it all.

We listen to every cautionary tale,
that everyone narrates,
and with every story that could be one's own,
the fear just accelerates.

How sad is it, that when the trust,
is so hard to give,
we walk away from a wonderful world,
that may be all that we need to live.

Some times the price that we pay for a win,
may be the greatest loss of them all.
Even when you have just about everything,
what is missing may eat into the soul.

So when those strangers walk into your life,
claiming to be friends or lovers for life,
even though there is no way to ensure,
let not those doubts ever run rife.

Black, white or grey

2011-08-15T11:15:00.002+05:30

A thought that has been following me,
there is no way I can shake it,
You could even think of it as advice,
and just go ahead and take it.

Things that I felt absolutely sure of,
but a few years ago,
I am not so certain now,
if I am right anymore.

It has been just a few years when,
all the answers seemed so clear and bright,
Now I am not so sure,
if I even had all the questions right.

I was so certain I had it all figured out,
and knew what I wanted from my life.
If I just followed a well set road map,
the ride would be smooth and without strife.

I once knew exactly,
just what was good for me,
what for me was wrong or right,
and precisely what should never be.

Every thing in black and white,
not a single grey in sight,
feeling smug and better,
than those who did not get it right.

With time and life I realized,
though beautiful on paper and print,
black and white are almost never there in life,
with its vibrant hues and some grey tint.

Like happens with road maps everywhere,
there were detours I did not foresee,
or maybe I did not even know,
how a road map has to be.

That is not to say that there should,
never ever be a plan,
or directions to follow
or make a road map if you can.

There will always be those,
who know exactly what they want,
what they believe, what they do,
and exactly what they can't.

As for me, one thing I know now,
unlike some time ago,
to live life to its fullest,
the black and white has to be let go!

Movie magic

2011-08-14T16:53:00.003+05:30

If this world was a huge movie set,
wouldn't it be so wonderful?
Every time we wanted to,
we could just play another role.

You could play the hero,
that every one wants to be.
or be a wickedest villain,
the world could never before see.

If you really feel so strongly,
remake the story that you love,
write the script the way you want it,
change it anyway, anyhow.

Change the set, mix it up,
go for a different look,
or just turn everything on it's head,
after throwing out the book.

You could ride a dragon breathing fire
if that were your fantasy,
and then move on, as pirates do,
looking for treasure and mermaids in the sea.

You could even fall in love,
with anyone more than once,
in the tenderest way ever possible,
just imagine who you could romance.

If you ever miss your cues,
on how you must react,
you can go back and do it again,
till its right on track.

You could keep just the good parts,
and do everything else in retakes.
If this world was a movie set,
rewind, erase and discard all your mistakes!

True love and more

2011-08-11T10:19:00.001+05:30

In the times of bad economies, bad cricket, scams and demented politicians, here is a feel good story. A young six year old who ended up with a man who changed his own life to accommodate this foundling. In the beginning of the story, there was this child who wandered away from his alcoholic father's drinking spree to end up with a man who had a small tea stall. Images of young boys used as unpaid slaves may spring to the mind, like that of young Moin who died at the hands of his uncle because he could not make beedis fast enough to satisfy his uncle's greed. Aiku Lal was however the man to go to if you are a lost child.

After the advertisements on local channels did not bring any claims, Aiku took charge of the child Akbar, and became his guardian sending him to school and doing all that a parent should. The only thing he did not do was name the child, opting instead to keep the child's name and religion as it was. He also decided not to get married as he did not want any problems a spouse might have with the child.

When the biological parents found about the child, three years later, they wanted the child back, but by then even the child did not want to return to them. They accused Aiku of using their son as bonded labour which he disproved in a court. Now the battle for the boy continues and he gets his chance to say what he wants. More such stories in the news would be such a wonderful thing. Who says true love does not exist??

The Frog Prince, retold.

2011-07-24T12:46:00.003+05:30

I heard this very long ago,
and you must have heard it too.
If you want to find a real prince,
this is what you must do.

You must go outdoors and look beneath,
each and every rock,
You may just find under one,
a handsome frog that can talk.

Even if he cannot talk,
just right then and there,
just persist in your endeavour,
it could happen anytime, anywhere.

There is that one more crucial step,
that makes him the prince of dreams.
You just have to kiss him on his lips
as that works magic it seems!

Like everything good in life and love,
there is a very tiny catch,
not every frog can be a prince,
even if found in a grassy patch.

So you may have to kiss many a frog,

before you find yourself a prince.
It is not a fail safe formula,
you have to work out some of the kinks!!

P.S. There is a foot note to all of this.
It may also work out the other way.
He who appears to be a prince,
may turn into a frog after the wedding day.

The problem with choices.

2011-07-23T09:24:00.003+05:30

The more you live, the more you learn,
of life, how it should be.
Hindsight is such a lovely thing,
always twenty/twenty.

And yet I wonder would it be,
that which we see with such clarity,
if we changed anything in our past,
would things be what we wish for, exactly?

In the warp and weft of life,

if some threads had just not been the same?

Could we replace one building block

with another, in life's frame?

We are all exactly who we are,
due just to what happened in our past.
There is no quick and easy way,
learning comes from experiences passed.

Choosing any differently,
from those myriad paths back then,
would have led to another life,
and also a very different person.

That person with different perspective,
on things, the way they are now.
So choosing completely different blocks,
might not have made a difference anyhow.

Just like the pieces of a jigsaw,
the puzzle is about how they all fit,
You cannot remove just any piece,
and replace it with a different bit.

There is no way to nip and tuck,
the parts you wish had never been,
or just to tack on another part,
to what is already existing.

That is what is the hardest thing,
about hindsight of twenty/ twenty.
No matter how clear and simple it seems,
you cannot alter just some things, or do them differently!

Metamorphosis!!

2011-07-20T11:15:00.001+05:30

I would often hear, I resemble her,
and that would make me smile.
Cause I always have admired her,
and her ability to go the extra mile.

But something I heard the other day,
did stop me in my track,
seemingly coming from my mouth,
the echoes of thoughts from far back.

It was the first I heard my mom,
speaking her mind through me,
I couldn't believe the words I'd said,
were the ones, when young, I would flee.

It happened again quite often,
especially with children, my flesh and bone,
my tongue would move, my mouth open,
but the words never sound my own.

'Be careful', 'Dont be late', 'No you cannot',
are the ones you could let go,
but to my horror, I even heard,
'because I'm the mom and I say so'!

The lines I hear, I have heard before,
in conversations of long ago.
Those hated words, I rebelled against,
are sadly now, part of my own lingo.

Why is it that the more things change,
the more they stay the same?
What you swore never to do,
you repeat the picture, frame by frame.

Ride to reversal

2011-07-17T15:36:00.001+05:30

She kept asking me questions,

about places we were driving by,

and whenever she got it right,

sat back with a contented sigh.

Then claiming she was hungry,

looked through what we had bought.

Not liking any thing that was there,

complained, that her likes we forgot.

With some coaxing and cajoling,
she reluctantly did agree,
grumbling that for the next time,
things she liked there better be.

Mid way through the complaints,

everything seemed to fall all quiet.

Glancing round, I saw her,

asleep, slumped slightly to the side.

As we reached, she did wake.

and sit up with a start.

She got out of the vehicle then,
and walked slowly down the cobbled path.

Watching her move slowly away,
a thought struck me there and then.
Sleep, food, rest and other habits,
she had taught me, what and when.

With time, we had indeed done a flip,
the 'mother' now, had been once the child.
Roles reversed, her welfare now,
seemed for me to decide.

Maybe rooted in that childhood,
were seeds of things to come.
The echoes of what you once were told,
now just repeated in a rhythmic hum.

Teaching you to handle life,
do they lose a grip on their own?
Does a parent become a child again,
when their child is fully grown?

Demons of the mind

2011-07-14T13:32:00.003+05:30

Has any thing been so important,
it set your world ablaze?
In the explosions that followed,
you lost track of time and space.

Have you ever heard any such thing,

you felt like curling up into a ball?

Or maybe it just made you,

want to hit your head on the wall.

At a time when everything did seem,

to be at an abysmal low,

and each and every heart beat,

felt like a deathly blow.

It took root so deeply within in,
you could not anything else contain.
You so wanted to shout it out,
you almost burst with pain.

You shared it with like minded friends,
they stared at you aghast,
it must have seemed to them right then,
you had lost your mind at last.

The laughter seemed demented,
and the tears just refused to flow,
you could not remember anything you said,
it mattered not any more.

We all have our very own,

demons, we need to vanquish.
They take over our minds and souls,
never ever letting go, refusing to vanish.

It could be something that you did
that causes you the anguish,
or something that was left undone,

just some thoughts you cannot banish.

Time and tide may calm the fire,
and stem the meaningless words,
but somethings will always haunt you,
in this and other worlds!

Red roses and brown rice.

2011-07-08T09:45:00.047+05:30

A question that's bothered me,
almost all my grown up life.
If you've ever been a girlfriend,
should you end up as a wife?

When in love with some one
you are at your very best.
Just say the final 'I do'
you'll put that love to the test.

Eyes that burned ever so bright,

just for a glimpse of you,

may have their fire even now,

only for a TV match to view.

Every time your eyes met then,

there was an explosion of sparks.

The explosions just continue,

On who's responsible for the children's marks.

If it was red roses then,
now its just salt and brown rice.
Getting home the groceries,
takes the edge away from love's spice.

On his knees, he once did fall
to declare his love you.
Now he cannot even to rise to his feet,
for a bit of shopping to do.

"To have and to hold, forever and forever,
I want you" he had said,
Now on a balmy night you hear him say,
"Can you move over to your side of the bed?"

Where lightning bolts once coursed through him,
at just your merest touch,
now move him shake him, do what you will,
he snores just as much.

So if you are a beloved girlfriend now,
it may not be so wise,
to get a tag of Mrs.,
at so heavy a price!!

Booster shots!!

2011-07-07T18:33:00.002+05:30

One two, pick up your shoe,
and bring it to you.

Three four, he can do even more
if you're keeping score.

Five six , he can learn new tricks
beyond picking up sticks.

Seven eight, he can even bite,
the escaping thieves with all his might.

Nine ten, he's best friend to all men,
no questions asked, why or when?!!

There is more to a pup named booster
He is just waiting to find the right master!

In times such as these,
Can you ask for a better deal.
than adoration guaranteed,
just for the price of a meal??!!.

So if you want a best friend
who is a real live wire,
Just take him home,
of his company you'll never tire.

Celebrities and how!

2011-07-05T23:06:00.003+05:30

If you felt that name and fame,
are very difficult to gain.
It takes hard word work
and talent too and at times even pain.

The world is topsy turvy now,
we live in an interesting time,
to make it to the celeb list,
you just have to commit a crime.

It could be something as simple,
as having a very foul mouth.
The better do your chances look,
the more you are uncouth.

Then there is the crime of choice,
the money grabbing scam,
you could be the highbrow politico,
your good works all a sham.

At the top there is no place,
for those of the weak of heart.
You must be ready to kill or maim,
and then play it media smart.

If any of this you can do,
then you have every chance,
to be on popular reality shows,
to be made much of, a regular song and dance.

The more you break the rules,
the higher you can climb.
The glamour and the glitz,
seems to strongly, adhere to the slime.

So if you thought that name and fame,
were very hard to gain.
just go out there and do something,
just completely insane!!

Four letter words in marriage!!

2011-07-04T15:38:00.007+05:30

Marriage is the leading cause,

for divorces they say.

Its what you say, when married,

that causes splits every day.

Some marriages do dissolve,

because so little is ever said.

After saying "I do"

both reach a conversational end.

What is more common though,
the words that wrongly flow.
as about the daily business,
of life the partners go.

Marriages would be successful,

with four letter words a few,

If you still are a sceptic,

it can be proved to you.

The words most bandied about

commonly are these,

"I did all the house 'work' today,

tomorrow its your 'turn', please."

There are even tougher words.

that in togetherness rip many a hole,

Like 'wash', 'iron', 'wipe' and 'dust',

hardly music to the soul.

Some words you will never say,
till in a marriage you are stuck.
'Kids', 'pick' up and 'drop' off too,
each one tries to pass the buck.

Then there is that daily event,

seemingly oh so, sensual,

a great delight before you wed,

'cook' becomes a boring daily ritual.

The four letter word in marriage,
that many often forget,
is like a unique mantra,
that we lose and then regret.

'Love' is what goes missing,
in the daily routine,
just a bit in the daily mix,
and the marriage gets a sheen.
.

So now you know its important,
to know the influence of words.
Too many of the four letter ones,
and it could end up in divorce!!

Father's day.

2011-07-02T08:37:00.001+05:30

She did not know how it all began,
she was not even out there,
but it must seem they wanted her,
for they lavished every care.

As a child very young,
she was told she looked like him,
Not that much she could recall,
her memory of the time was rather dim.

From what she could remember now ,
to her he appeared rather large,
and what he said was what they did,
he seemed to be in complete charge.

It was a time when moms were moms,
and dads were, well just "Dad".
They kept a stiff upper lip
all emotions in control, iron clad.

At the dinner table they would talk,
it was a conversational rule.
All the happenings of that day,
how she was faring at school.

In college too, when friends came home,
he just left them with a nod,
It was for her mother then,
to ask about happenings, probe and prod.

As an adult, she knew he would never approve,
of some of what she felt.
She hoped that he would understand,
that some day he would melt.

The silence and her life went on,
and daily challenges were met.
Work she liked and a family,
her goals she did set.

Her family and the work she did,
kept her fully engrossed.
Her children's father, would communicate,
she knew at any cost.

When she found some time to call,
or visit her elderly folks,
time seemed to just fly by.
in old memories and some old jokes.

Then one night, a call came late,
that shattered the silence and her regular life.
Her father had just passed away,
the pain cut through like a knife.

Just like how he had never said,
how he felt about them all.
Now she realized she had not confessed,
her love for him at all.

That night when she went to bed,
she hugged her children tight.
And in the whispering breeze just then,
she heard him as he sighed!!

Twice the fun!!

2011-07-01T12:24:00.003+05:30

This middle aged man from Pune,
wanted to double his joys in life.
Not content with just the one,
he got himself a second wife.

In the beginning all was rosy red,
till the first one got to know,
then all hell did break lose,
he just had no where to go.

The first one fixed the penalty,
that he would have to pay,
her mother, as well as the second one's,
would move in with them, to stay.

What he forgot to consider,
when hoping the joy would double,
every thing else would also be twice as much,
including mother-in-law trouble.

So if you ever have wondered how,
it's to have two women wait on you,
just remember with every woman,
her mother comes along too!!

One way to get there!

2011-06-30T07:10:00.061+05:30

The road to hell has good intentions,
for its paving stones they say.
So if you intend any good,
just act on it today!!

Have you ever to yourself said,
"I must call her soon!"
and then go on to forget it,
in a life that just goes zoom..

Think of all the things we say,
and then promptly forget them all.
If not much else, of this I'm sure,
we often forget to visit or call.

Promises don't take, very much to make.
It's keeping them that's hard to do,
On the spur of the moment, in a passion,
we vow to do, of what we have not a clue.

Often we to ourselves firmly resolve,
we promise from now to be nicer to all.
All it takes is a little spat,
for that resolve, flat to fall.

Then there is the generous thought,
to give to those in need,
if not acted upon, just right then,
gets lost with very great speed.

They say heaven is full of good works.
and mere intentions do not count,
hell on the other hand is paved with good intentions,
and the road there to, by every account.

So whatever it is you intend to do,
you should act on it with out a doubt.
cause should you ever end in hell,
there's no way you'll ever get out!!

P.s If all this you should ever forget,
here is a rule to remember well,
good intentions do at times misfire,
so wiser it may be after all, to not on them dwell!!

A life lived...

2011-06-28T13:57:00.003+05:30

She did not remember falling down,
when she first started to walk,
she knew not what her first words were,
and how she learned to talk.

Her parents must have held her hand
and kissed better all her hurt,
It was their lot, it was understood
to protect her from the dust and the dirt.

She was sure she did not say words right,
when she first said them at all,
but they just laughed and corrected her,
to their satisfaction, saying she was so small.

As time passed, she made a few missteps,
she tripped and she fell and she fumbled too,
but all they did was give her a loving scold
and forgive her sins as she grew.

Oh, they did give her a gentle nudge,
toward the direction they felt was best,
the school, the food, the music and even friends;
all did pass through their acid test.

Then came along the bigger choices,
like careers, jobs and life skills.
They said they'd leave the choice to her,
but only after educating her on all the ills.

There was not much of a fight or a tug of war,
as she did feel, they must know it best.
After all, they only wished good things for her
safety, a good life and all the cares addressed..

She could choose, she'd been assured,
in time, a partner whom she liked.
But just right then, they felt convinced,
was not time for her to be tied.

Some time down, it felt so right,
she just knew, this time was it.
her parents agreed that he seemed nice,
but would he into the family well fit?
.
How could she ever doubt her very own,
who gave her love and life.
and even though it bruised her heart,
knew this was the way to avoid any strife.

In some time, they did suggest,
a man she could build a life time with,
who seemed such a perfect fit,
it seemed right out of a fairy myth.

Now that her future was secure,
the parents did do a relay,
they handed the baton over to him,
it was for the husband now, the dragons to slay.

Life did pass on the tranquil route,
with an absence of worry or care.
There was content all around,
just about their rightful share.

As it happens with most routines,
things in time did settle in a steady rut.
It then gave her time to reflect,
and brush off her thoughts, the grime and dust.

How exactly would her life have been,
if her choices were not well validated.
Not that anyone was ever to blame,
but had her passion been fully sated.?

Life on an a safe and even keel
was not a roller coaster ride,
what if she missed on excitement,
that had been there, waiting on the other side?

Life may have been more down than up,
in terms of the worldly view,
but sometimes in life from the downs are born,
some of the world's wonders too.

Protecting one's own is nature's way,
but there are times, letting go is best,
How will the little bird conquer the skies,
forever and always if it's safe in the nest?!!

At some point in our lives, we seem to become our parents......As parents, we want to give our children all that we loved or lacked. We instinctively want to smooth their path. We have opinions on their music, books, friends and so on.. The line between smoothing and smothering may be crossed. Letting go is not the easiest thing, after wanting to keep them out of harm's way.....This applies equally, if differently, to girls and boys..

Charity begins !!

2011-06-27T12:01:00.003+05:30

I've often felt that charity,
begins very much at home
The giver does it for himself,
that's the twist on this syndrome.

Give if you want without any gain,
then why do it with such fan fare.
You could always help those who need,
and quietly do your share!

If you chance upon such people,
talked about for doing so much,
just watch them carefully.
whatever gets them noticed, they only do that much.

In helping they have a motive,
for them to feel simply good.
but there are some who feel better,
by doing what they never should!

If you come across such donors,
who give under their sign and seal,
you'll realize that they only do it,
just to build some mass appeal.

When giving is all about the picture,
that comes in the next day's news.
It's about how the public views you,
It's a great big publicity ruse.

If you don't believe me,
just take a good look at the shot,
the giver, he smiles and stands tall,.
the receiver is bent over like he's just been bought.

You may dub me cynical,
on the givers I might seem too harsh,
But often I 've seen that public charity,
that's all just great eyewash!

"Charity begins at home'
the next time if you hear,
just make sure the meaning,
is absolutely crystal clear!

Bai(ing) power !!

2011-06-25T20:16:00.002+05:30

This is an Indian urban legend,
of choices women are forced to make,
Your partner or the domestic help,
in a pinch, which one would you take?

For a woman who manages home and work,
and is putting in many shifts,
good help these days is hard to find,
and tops diamonds and other gifts.

Love or hate the one you have,
but keep her you just must
to help you clean and help you cook,
to sweep under the carpet, the dust.

She helps you add spice to the food,
lightly sprinkling gossip too,
keeping you abreast, if you have no time,
of what the neighbours do..

The clothes may not look so clean,
spots and stains may never be out,
her knowledge of every one's weakest spots,
never can you ever doubt.

The salt and spice she may err on,
but knows what each resident earns,
whose daughter's set to elope with whom
what happens before the husband returns!

Should you and yours ever disagree,
it'll be all over the town,
always will the neighbours know
of your life's every up and down.

Yet if it came to making a choice,
between the 'bai' and the spouse
it is not easy to let her go,
for the sake of a happy house.

If you wonder how the legend ends
the lady did wisely choose,
she kept the one she depended on,
the husband, she cut loose!!

Relationship tip!

2011-06-24T13:40:00.003+05:30

This story is from prehistoric times,
when the world was a younger place,
When dinosaurs, mammoths and sabre tooths,
were jostling for some space!

As you hid from the huge T-rex,
and gathered up some food,
you also hoped for  some romance,
hard though it was to set a mood.

There was this young man so worthy,
with sights set on this girl,
and why she would not accept him,
his mind was in a whirl.

They seemed like such a perfect fit,
almost every one observed  so,
It should have been a no brainer,
but for no reason apparently, it was no go!

He tried to tell her many times,
and even brought her gifts,
raptor teeth jewellery, a python skin,
and a skirt made from wood that drifts.

The highest mountain he did scale,
and even swam the deepest sea,
But no matter what he tried,
she seemed unimpressed and never did agree.

Hoping  the green eyed monster to invoke,
he then courted many a girl,
But all it did was instead,
to push her deep, into a social swirl.

The more he tried to over her win ,
the further did she run,
Though when asked she would reply,
their friendship was just for laughter and fun.

Then one day, the smart young man.
observed her in an angry mood,
when she was told that she could NOT do,
what she thought for her was good.

With dawning wonder he did realize,
what just might do the very trick,
All he needed was a right challenge,
and it all in place would click.

The very next time when he met her,
he told her it would never work,
he thanked her that she had not agreed,
' Be hard for you' he told her with a smirk..

The challenge seemed to work like a charm,
In a trice she changed her mind,
now she seemed all intrigued,
the wheels turning within her mind

The next when he tried to court her,
she seemed a bit more willing,
and so on and on it went along,
till it was all just smooth sailing!

Here's a piece of good advice,
for young men even now,
gifts might lose their gilded edge,
so might the treasure trove.

If you want to win that special one,
the puzzle's all ready to solve,
set her a challenge she cant resist,
and you just might win her love!!.

No animals were hurt in the making of this poem, though a puppy was at my side!!
He said he enjoyed the silly poem... .though may be he just lied!!

Love or something

2011-06-23T17:00:00.001+05:30

I was all set to sleep last night when my cell phone rang. To my surprise, it was someone who used to work with us. He came to us fourteen years ago and worked as our man Friday for over ten years. Then his parents illness forced him to move too far to commute. Reluctantly, he took up another job, but kept in touch...... calling us on birthdays and festivals, dropping in occasionally. He would get his wife and two little girls too. If I ever needed a driver or some help in a pinch he would fill in, even if it meant taking leave of absence, from his current work place.

However, calls so late at night were unheard of. I asked him if all was OK and his rather abrupt response was to ask me if he could work for me. From all I'd heard, things were going good at his place of work even as of last month, when he had called . So I asked him what happened. and then into the long silence, without waiting for a response, asked him to come over in the morning so we could talk about it. That he was troubled was obvious and I assumed it was the usual family problems between his mother and his wife or some school issues for his daughter or even about money.

When he turned up at about 10 in the morning in a rather worse for wear appearance, I was not too worried. After the usual pleasantries I asked him what had happened. He said "Kaise Bataon?". Coming from someone whom we have counselled even on intimate issues like family planning and marital discord, this was rather surprising. Intrigued by now, I just told him to tell me the truth, whatever it was. "Maine shaadi kiya" he blurted out. I knew that he had a wife of eight years (having been esteemed guests at his wedding). Not comprehending, I asked him when he got married. Turned out, he had fallen in love got married to this other woman three years ago.

His first wife ( as he referred to her) got wind of it recently and confronted him about it. Enough dust had been kicked up and she even complained to the police. He insisted that his marriage to the second wife was legal and he had a lawyers word(!) to prove it. He did not want to give up on either. He insisted he could manage "sambhal" both. He wanted our help in finding work as he could not go to his current employer for fear of cops that his first wife would set on him. Right or wrong, he felt he could not live without either of them. He even confessed to contemplating suicide.

So what happens next? Well, who knows!!! Truth is stranger than fiction.

Love makes the world go round and heads to spin!!

A word to the wise

2011-06-22T14:19:00.002+05:30

Breathes there a woman with vanity so dead,
who never to herself has even once said,
'I wish someone would say something nice
even if it's just about the shape of my head!'

The problem however with a smooth turn of phrase,
words don't come often, out as you hope
sometimes just  slipping right out of the mouth,
and landing all concerned on a slippery slope.
.

Just as this woman who met me one day
and told me brightly 'You've a charming face'.
Happy, the kind words the morning had brought,
I prepared to dazzle with a smile full of grace.

The following words did wipe off that smile,
"Rare is such charm at such late a stage"
Not exactly being at the doddering edge,
I felt old and wrinkled and in in my dotage!

Then there was this bright young man,
who rushed into a conversational lull,
to win a girl he said 'I liked you much more before,
This tan, it makes you look very dull"

Whether or not a mate he did ever find,
were I to predict just  one future right,
blessed as he is with such smooth turn of phrase,
it just did not look that very bright!

It's not just women that  the words do impress,
with grown men too you'd get quite a rise,
if only to sweet talk you did know how,
of cars, gadgets, wallets and of their size!

But if ever the sweet talk should you elude,
saying nothing at all, is all for the best.
Not everyone knows the words to string right,
and this is the truth -   east or west!!

The poet!

2011-06-18T01:26:00.002+05:30

There was once a worthy poet,
who was on the brink of death,
surrounded by his all people,
waiting with bated breath.

He would not last was certain,
or so the doctors said,
'It's just a matter of time before,
every little hope is dead'.

Losing hope was one thing,
but everyone agreed,
His son must surely meet him,
before death away him lead.

All attempts to rouse him once more,
from deathly slumber failed,
It almost seemed so certain,
that this ship had forever sailed.

Gloom then set in on those,
who felt that all was lost,
The prodigal son wouldn't see him.
'Oh the grief he'd be caused!'

Till a friend discovered,
such a brilliant ruse,
"I'll just get the worthy poet,
to recite about his muse"

The light in the dim eyes brightened,
and the frail hand seemed more strong,
With great resolve the poet sat up,
proving the doctors wrong.

One by one all dozed off,
all but a faithful friend.
He sat and heard the poet out
who with each word seemed to mend.

With morning came the young son,
hastening to his fathers side,
To see that he was all well now,
and the friend, oh he had died!

Now that you've the story heard,
it is time that you paid heed,
To death these poets can make you sick,
you best avoid their creed!!

This poem is from a story I heard. The challenge was to set it in rhyme and do a slightly different rhyme scheme from the ones I had done before. I hope it tells the story well!!

Wedding ring

2011-06-17T06:31:00.024+05:30

The line was 'Marriage is like being boxed in.. you just have to find your own corners'. While that reminded me of pugilists and the wrestling ring, I could not let it pass .. so here goes... again!!

Marriage has been described as many things,
long extolled, for all the joys it brings!
If you wonder if the definition fits
let me add some more, my two bits.

Stomach full with so many butterflies,
and even a few stars shining in your eyes,
You enter an important relationship,
on which you hope to get a strong grip.

A roller coaster ride lasting rather long,
there are times when it feels all wrong,
but like they say in many a song,
get it right and there's no bond so strong!

If the damp towel plays wet blanket
on the messiness scale, just rank it.
If it's up there, beyond what you can bear,
just think of the commonalities you two share.

Wedded bliss does not like a movie unreel,
though to be fair, at times that too you'll feel.
At times you play villain and so also behave,
But at others, from troubles like heros, save.

Marriage is being boxed in, is what I've heard,
which to many, is how the question's answered.
Even if so, I don't think it's a complete goner,
if you remember, boxes have more than one corner.

So if you ever need some time and some space,
but still feel that you don't want out of the race.
All you need is your very own corner to find,
then even with the bond, you'll never be in a bind!!

Sorry folks, am having too much fun rhyming ..

Dream run

2011-06-16T11:47:00.003+05:30

As a child I felt I knew it all,
Just a wish to be smart and tall,
I knew what was best for me,
what else in life could there be?

Then came the toys and pups and a cat,
just the things that would please a brat.
The world suddenly had a lot more,
than one could ever hope to store.

The magic words  said 'Open sesame'
opening up a whole new world to me
As the words began to dance and spin,
toys and reality started wearing thin.

Imagination took root and then ran riot,
with elves, fairies and dragons that bite.
From there, a short ride into the sunset,
with the princess, who'd just her prince met.

With dawning wonder I imagined my own,
a prince who'd be mine, just mine alone.
Wishing for  a status in the working world,
surrounded by people who'd do just as I told.

Then it was children and what they wish
all their little milestones, to savour with relish,
There are still some dreams and wishes to fulfill,
hope for health and immunity from ill will.

With time and place and every stage,
One's dreams and wishes do so change,
But over the age what one may want,
some are forgotten while some forever haunt.

I always thought I knew what was good for me,
asking,  'In life what else could there be?'
Now I laugh at what little I knew,
of plans and dreams that go askew.

A day for myself

2011-06-15T11:38:00.003+05:30

One day in life to myself be,
just to be so completely free.
not to be caught and held up for,
ten things now and then ten more.

As a child I firmly believed,
grow up, and you can be relieved
of all permissions we seemed to need
and could do exactly as one pleased.

If then it was a daughter dutiful,
now it is about the mother bountiful.
daughter, sister, spouse and mother,
if its not one, then its another.

Not that at those roles anyone can scoff,
but what would it be, with layers peeled off?
To care not about what anyone think,
even if it be on madness brink.

I may then find a hollow shell,
and a need for the roles that I fit well.
But till such time, will I ever find.
Am I all soul or jumbled thought and mind?

If there were no fetters of place and birth,
would it be simpler to find one's real worth?
In a vacuum does a 'me' exist?
Is there even a me, if from my roles I desist?

If you think, it's not even that highbrow,
It's just something like going incognito.
one day in life to myself be,
just to be so completely free!!

Wordly wise

2011-06-13T09:18:00.005+05:30

Recently, I received a lively warning. set in rhyme, talking of the problems about losing one's heart to dashing cricketers ( apt in our cricket crazy nation). It made me smile and then wonder about all those who sweep us off our feet. While I am not able to reproduce the piece on cricketers, here is what I came up with.

It's not ever been a dashing cricketer,
who's made my heart go pitter- patter,
as for sailors with girls in every port,
I believe it's just very poor sport.

As for the stars of the silver screen,
does anyone know what they mean?
on doctors lawyers businessmen,
they're way beyond my  ken,

It's words that get me every time,
be they in prose or elegant rhyme,
words that build a world around,
and block out every other sound.

Words that take you oh so high,
you can reach for the starry sky,
words with meaning so very  deep,
they could even make you sob or weep.

For me to, oh, sweep off my feet
at a game of words must have me beat.
So if you know to use words well
it's not just that hard a sell.

While cricketers may lose their dash,
and businessmen their loads of cash,
wordsmiths never lose their hold,
at any age, very young or old.

So if you must post dire warning
against anyone night and morning,
just make  it only about those,
talented in poetry, as also sparkling prose.

For It's words that get me every time,

be they in prose or elegant rhyme
and, it's words that'll always get to me,
for as long as I can ever foresee!!!

Then again, I should probably have named this post 'Wordly unwise'. Wisdom would mean not falling prey to words!!

Edited to add: I mean no disrespect to any professional or profession. I have atleast one family member among all professions mentioned here! I do apologise for any hurt feelings.

For the love of a boy!

2011-06-10T22:12:00.002+05:30

The 'missed calls' were from an unknown number. I rarely respond to unknown callers, but the sheer number of calls made me curious and I called back. It was K, a small time house painter by profession who had worked for me a couple of years ago. After the usual namastes he said, 'Bhabhiji Char ladkiyon ke baad ek ladka hone wala hai. Bibi admit hai. Dus hazaar rupye chahiye. Aap kahen toh mein agle mahine lauta doonga". A desparately needy man wants me to loan him ten thousand rupees. Not a princely sum and a definitely worthy cause of making a pregnant woman's labour safe. Yet, the words, chaar ladkiyon ke baad drowned out almost everything else he said. A hand to mouth existence is all he can afford for his current brood and now another one in the quest for the one who'll light the final pyre, the one who'll grant mukti. "kisne kaha tumhe ki ladka hoga?" were the first words that I blurted out. "Dactor ne kaha hai bhabhiji" he said.

I handed the phone to my husband because I did not know what I'd say next. I would give him the money and even he knew that or else why would he call me out of the blue after two years. But I am a vociferous advocate of gender equality and cannot understand or agree with the concept of wanting a male child to carry on the line. All the heated arguments I've been part of on the need to deal harshly with those who prefer a male heir, flashed before me. I cannot imagine helping anyone who holds this dear and yet the money might mean the difference between a safe and healthy mother and child and an unsafe labour. I have always maintained that women should have full control over their bodies and felt that there must be some way women who are willing to go through multiple pregnancies can put a stop to that cycle. This however, was not the time to test the mettle of this woman.

I mouthed that he could collect the money and he'll be here shortly to collect it .. but this time I do not feel too good about helping a person in need. Maybe some calls are better unanswered... I wonder what he'll do if this one turns out to be a girl as well?

Veni, vidi, vici! (or... I came, I saw, I conquered)

2011-06-06T12:44:00.006+05:30

She came unannounced. She was not alone though and the three others with her, resembled her like relatives do. I did what courtesy demanded. Gave them the run of my home though like many other visitors,they too were scared of my big dogs and I had to ensure that they were kept away. I must admit that I am less kindly disposed to guests who fuss about the dogs because:

1) It means I have to keep the dogs locked up which they almost never are.
2) It sorta implies that my dogs are blood thirsty hounds, while in fact I revel in their gentleness ( I am told I talk more about my dogs than my children, but that's another post)

3) It is rather troublesome to oversee the comfort of the guests and the dogs simultaneously ( no offence to either)

As visitors go, they were reasonably well behaved and left after a meal that seemed to satiate. There are some visitors one never expects to see more than once ( like your spouse's spinster aunt, twice removed, who visits once in the entire course of your marital life, seems to have memorised the entire family tree, even though no one really knows even simple things about her , like what food she likes !) and I assumed that she too fell in this category. To my surprise she showed up again the next day. We went through the same rigmarole of separating the dogs and eating etc. I obviously could not turn her out without food.. and not that she ate much anyway.

I did not see her for a couple of days and I assumed it was the end of another 'ships that pass by in the night' sort of thing. Imagine my surprise at the sight of her on my kitchen door two days later! And this time she showed no signs of leaving (she was missing for two days just to make arrangements, it seems). She found a nice cosy spot after her meal and without as much as by your leave, dozed off.

Since then I am stuck with her as are my dogs, much to their disgust. More so because historically and traditionally they seem to be on the opposite sides of the fence. At my place ,even literally!!

And there in lies the challenge.... how do you separate two eternally warring factions and stay sane? The dogs who are house pets/ family for years and a CAT who has adopted you? How do you send away an animal in need (even if you are not exactly a cat person). Especially when she clambers upto the window and purrs a warm greeting every time she hears your voice. .. even if it is 'cupboard love', it is heart tugging.(especially when serenades are few and far between, if ever). She has decided that she belongs.. such unconditional love is hard to find especially in this 'human' world..

Also, I take love any way I can find it and from whom I can get it!
So here she is.. the cat who adopted me-

Post script. There is some sort of an undersatnding between the warring lot.. she stays out though makes it clear that she'd prefer the warmth inside and the dogs are not allowed on her side of the compound. Now if only countries could learn such coexistance !!

VENI, VIDI, VICI

These famous words were written by Roman statesman and general Julius Caesar (100-44 b.c.) as he announced the victory of his army in Asia Minor in early August 47 b.c. The extraordinarily concise message, which Caesar dispatched to Rome, means simply "I came, I saw, I conquered." The general had defeated Pharnaces II (63-47 b.c.) in a fight for control of Pontus, an ancient kingdom in northeast Asia Minor. The brief but decisive battle took place near Zela, in present-day Turkey.

A thing of beauty..

2011-06-05T17:21:00.004+05:30

A thing of beauty.... is finding joy in the everyday, in the ordinary! My perception of beauty has changed and evolved over time ( as perceptions must) and now after a lifetime of debating about 'good, better, best', I've realised that there is no such thing. It is truly, as they say, 'in the eye of the beholder'. I know that is as cliched as one can get. So let me try and get you to see things from my perspective.

In Malayalam there is a saying ' Kakekyun tan kunj, pon kunj' the gist of which means that even a crow finds his child beautiful. Long before the dawn of time .. my time that is, I would wonder how the crow could be so blind. Having my own children enabled me to see some sense in that saying. It was only recently however, that a friendship  opened me to the limitless possibilities of beauty.

Unlike most parents who nag and push their children to achieve in every possible field by ferrying them from one class to another and trying to bribe them with all that money can buy, this special mother sees achievement in whatever her child does. She is grateful to the School for accepting her child into it, she sees a bit part in the school play as a major victory and records the event,  and every spelling he learns as a milestone. She sees his ability to not hold grudges as a positive trait and a sign of innocence instead of seeing it as a sign of slow learning and social ineptness.

While most mothers pray for their sons (daughters too) to never leave them and complain when they fly the nest, she hopes her son will be independent enough to never want her near when he grows up. She is pleased that when other children are expressing discontent at not having the best of everything, her child is thrilled with the smallest gaily wrapped gift. She finds joy and beauty in his honesty, his innocence and his ability to forget and forgive all those who snicker at him. Being with her and seeing her ability, calms me and I too have begun to see the beauty of being a parent instead of just judging by milestones. The lesson here being that beauty is not about the physical or material trappings, but goes way beyond that. You do need love to see that beauty and show it to the world.

In fact, beauty is more in the abstract..   Abstracts and ideals that we all claim to engender, of which I never understood the true beauty of when practised meaningfully.   'Equality" is one such I have read about , preached , vociferously campaigned for   and in a crunch claim to practice. After all, I do not let considerations like wealth, social standing, intellect, talent etc weigh on my behaviour and yet.... I had never really seen it in practise.... not the way I do now. I do have my favourites. People whom I know I like more and those I know I like less. Don't you?

True equality is a beautiful, uplifting thing to be a part of. I observed it for the first time through the eyes of my yoga teacher. I noticed that she had this wonderful ability to treat everyone the same. I would watch her deal with the many people who came to the classes and was puzzled  why it mesmerised me, till I realized that it was a beautiful thing to actually see an ideal " Equality" in action. She would scold anyone she felt was not trying hard enough, she would push everyone to do their best and remember each ones special problem.  The classes were not free, but she rarely pushed anyone to pay, unless they were actually trying to get in for free. Then she seemed to know and ask the person in question, but in a very non-accusatory manner. The next day she would treat the person with the same affectionate cajoling/ bullying that she always did. No matter who expresses dislike, complains or flatters, she'd be the same. Seems easy, but try it and you'll see what I mean.

When I hear of giants like Mother Teresa and Baba Amte, it is not easy to understand the joy and motivation they could have found in caring for mankind, but now it is beginning to dawn on me. While this may be a very small part of what the giants did, I can see some light . Isn't that what true beauty should do? Light you up from within?

Coming back to the crow with the golden child, I have seen beauty in the valiant way a pair of lapwing fight to save their chicks. With a nest on the ground in this urban jungle ( a vacant plot of land near my home), they fights the odds for their little ones. Humans who do not care, cats who are on the look out for a meal, snakes that will try and finish the eggs even before they hatch and dogs that will just destroy the nest, these are some of the hazards that the lapwings stay awake night and day and defends their young ones. Although I know that they mate for life and come back to the same nesting ground, I marvel at them each season I see them near my house. I see a miracle in the birds that fly away (and return unerringly) even against all the odds. I see the joy with which they fly with their young. Even though not all survive, their flight celebrates those that do. A Soaring flight in the sky is always a beautiful sight but this is especially so as I have witnessed the journey to get there. I can claim to be a participant in that beautiful journey.

In fact the longer I live, the more I realize that there is beauty in the everyday, in the ordinary. That which we forget to see,overlook in the business of life.... the loyalty and devotion of the common household pet dog who loves you more than you probably love yourself. There is a miracle in the smile of the woman who manages to finally break free from her abusive husband, something extraordinary in the ability to deal with each person without bias, in a mother's love. The beautiful birdsong of the koel that we do not pay attention to as we choose to watch TV instead, the graceful flight of the kite even as it swoops down to catch a meal., all very commonplace and yet amazing.

I do not know the absolute definition of beauty or even if there is one all can agree on. But such contests do make one think and arrive at some answers. I do know that if you can find joy in the everyday, the commonplace, the ordinary, your eye will unerringly find beauty.

A wish goodnight!

2011-06-04T13:29:00.004+05:30

When you'd like something you can't buy, beg or borrow,
then there's no saying if you could get it tomorrow.

It's just a feeling you can't explain,
somewhat like the scent of the first rain.

Through the busy day you may not think of it,
but falling asleep,something seems amiss, a bit.

So here's the trick to sleeping tight,
next time you can, just save a sent 'gnite'.

It came up one night, quietly, unasked,
in its warm glow, everything basked,

And whether or not you believe in a goodnight wish,

it may be a surprise what it can accomplish.

It even seemed to usher in dreamless sleep.
So it is decided, this one's to keep.

For there's no saying you'll get it again tomorrow,
and its not something you can just buy, beg or borrow!

Again, I do not know how good this rhyme is,
but it was fun and I wish you'd all try this. :)

Love, liberty and loyalties

2011-06-02T20:33:00.001+05:30

My neighbours are in a tizzy. Their daughter, age twenty three, fair, beautiful, computer engineer, whose wedding was fixed to a age twenty six, handsome, only son, computer engineer, earning in six figures, when she threw a spanner in the works by announcing that she was in 'love'.The boy in question was some one she had known from before college. He was neither fair, nor handsome, and definitely not earning six figures. The worst of it was that he did not belong to their community ( yes, another one of those mismatches that young people seem to fall into!!) The parents expect her to make a choice between them or the boy.Talk about divided loyalties! Between all the pleading and threatening they reminded her that they had given her the freedom to study and make a career and she should not misuse it. Here is the question- 1) Is freedom something that any one can 'give'? 2) Once freedom is 'given' what is misusing it?

These were not questions that really bothered me ( as they should have) when I was young and impressionable. I assumed that one did things within boundaries set by parents, family, society and the world at large. Any sojourns outside those boundaries were victories that were hard won - rebellion that worked! I believe most of us think that way brought up as we are on a heavy diet of 'parents know best' and 'I told you so'.When comfort on failure is offered only when it is something that has a general approval. Try something on your own and should you fail, the world and its uncle ( or your uncle for sure) is there with the eternal 'I told you so'.

The young girl in love, has a fifty percent chance of getting her choice of partner, but she has to be strong in the face of dissent. Dissent is hard for anything, even careers. remember the movie, 'Three Idiots', when one of the protagonists Farhan ,played by Madhavan, has to convince his father about his career choice? A rather difficult thing, when we are conditioned to believe that our parents know best as they would never want us to come to any harm. They selected the right schools for us, then gently 'guided' us into the right choices for education and career. They kept us from the wrong company, so it seems logical that they would be aware of the right partner/ career/company for us too. After all more 'love marriages' break up as compared to 'arranged marriages' (I told you so) or engineers have more job security than photographers ( We know best/ Hamne duniya dekhi hai ).

Not that earning good money is a criminal waste of time, but if we all look at money alone, the world would never have found Mahatma Gandhi or a Mother Teresa. Imagine a world without a Vincent Van Gogh or a Shakespeare! Not that arranged marriages do not work.. oh they do...... but with a little parental support, even love might have a fighting chance. As a parent, I know it is very difficult to stand and watch your child make a mistake and then go through the pain of correction. Having been a child though, I also realize that for their own sake, love and liberty deserve a fighting chance!!

The thing about being alone

2011-06-02T14:33:00.000+05:30

I do not often try my hand at rhyme, but here goes...

The thing about being alone,
you can think of stuff to atone.
Could be a harsh word said ,unthinking,
or just a hard stare directed, unblinking.

It may be just in the recent past,
or in the time that's since long lost.
When there is a lot of time to think,
a lot passes through your mind in a blink.

The problem however with hurts so old,
is that with certainty it can never be told,
Can a plea for forgiveness be ever expressed?,
Or is the desire to be forever repressed?

And if such an opportunity ever arise,
will a mere apology ever suffice?
what if its just too little too late,
does it even mean anything at so late a date?

Even if asking forgiveness is repentance enough.
the lack of a response may feel very rough,
then again forgiveness is for others to give,
the hope and expectation of which with to live.

When you have the time to brood,
think of times you may have been rude.
That's the thing about being alone,
you can always find things to atone!

Class system

2011-05-29T11:13:00.001+05:30

I have decided that I want to be a tutor. A tutor and not a teacher mind you. What is the difference you ask? Just a life style! Teaching has always been touted as the most noble of professions. and yet teachers everywhere are the least paid professionals. Not so, the tutor! The tutor is revered and sought after. Ask anyone who has a child in class X or class XII.. They may not worry so much about the school the child is going to, but getting into the right tutorial class is of great importance. There are entrance exams to get into classes to clear entrance exams. The child may not pay much attention to the class X syllabus, but he studies for the entrance. There are exams, interviews and sleepless nights. The celebration for getting into the right class rivals the celebration for getting into the right course/ college.

Then there are the super speciality coaching classes/ tutorials. For all those who may be unaware of this, there are parents flocking to a western state of India which is famous for its IIT entrance coaching. Kota in Rajasthan is the Mecca of IIT coaching classes. The whole of Kota is geared to this and there are rooms and homes available on rent, so one can set up camp there. Anxious mothers leave ambitious fathers and encouraging families in other parts of the country and set up temporary homes in Kota with their IIT aspiring children. The aspirants eat, drink and sleep the IIT mantra for atleast two years. They are like horses that have blinders put on their faces so they see nothing else but their goal of getting into IIT. Never mind that our minister Jairam Ramesh has slammed the teaching in these institutes. Remember, even he has said nothing about the tutors!!

Burdened with academics and expectations, these kids lose themselves ( and two years of their lives) in the morass of multiple choice / multiple answer/ negative marking ... Some do emerge victorious which only means more join the race the next year. The XII grade results mattering less and less each year, it is the classes that do better then the schools. The classes compete with each other in making claims that will draw more and more into this vortex.

Teachers are doing better if they become tutors . They find it easier to get students to listen/ obey/ follow their instructions. The parents hang on their every word and give them more than the respect they deserve. Colleges seem to have become just meeting places for youngsters, that too if they so choose. Parents appear absolutely fine with getting their children into colleges that are openly lax about minor details like class attendance. In exchange, colleges have been relieved of the task of imparting an education. Maybe our ministers and the powers that be need to think of this before they even think of revamping the system.

Who needs an education when coaching does the trick?!

Connecting the dots...

To love and lose or never to love at all.. ..

2011-05-24T22:52:00.094+05:30

It could be the story of Romeo and Juliet, or our very own home grown 'Heer Ranjha' and 'Sohni - Mahiwal'. The setting is just out of a bollywood movie. No, no not the lush beautiful rich Yash Chopra type..more of Vishal Bharadwaj- a la "Kaminey".

You might think that a slum of Pune is probably not the most conducive environment for love to bloom. But then love can happen anywhere and like it happens in the movies, the boy is a twenty something, out of work, 2nd grade drop out, while the girl is a comely sixteen year old brought up on the wholesome diet of TV serials and masala movies. So love blossomed while there was nothing else to do. The boy, lets call him Shahnawaz, swore undying devotion and was ready to pledge all his worldly ( and other -worldly) goods to her , while she , Mohini , promised to follow him to the ends of the earth ( It is a different issue that he has never left home even to go to work). All that was left to happen was the fairy tale ending when they rode the white steed off into the beautiful sunset. ( well, the horizon was choc-bloc with high-rises and sunsets were hard to catch, but you get the drift)

If you're holding your breath, you can exhale or take a deeper one, after all, if there is a hero and a heroine, the situation demands a villain , right?  This is where the the 'zaalim zamana' fits in. The parents on both side were distraught. After all, 'no pyaar, we are Indian' is the first tenet of parenting. and horror of horrors, that too across communities and even religions? Why, that was blasphemy!! So he was beaten senseless as they tried to knock some sense into him. ( oh well, it has been known to work) but to no avail. He swears that it is either her or none, while she promises to set herself afire if parted from him. As of now, the flaming controversy continues.

I know that love is blind ( and sometimes deaf and dumb ) and mundane concerns like where the next meal is coming from, escape those blissfully in love. Love and fresh air seem ample. Having had my own set of infatuations and crushes , I know that the world seems to be one's oyster when one is young. No problem seems insurmountable, no mountain too high to climb, no star too out of reach to pluck and strew at the feet of the beloved. Yet I know of love fading when life's little realities drown out the sound of the Cupid's wings. Then the same love song begins to pall. Does love really give you the ability to brush aside reality? Love is a powerful force, capable of changing the course of history. Remember the British Monarch King Edward, who abdicated the throne so he could marry an American , Mrs. Simpson? Or Helen of Troy? Even the gods were not spared by cupid   and even Shiva was wounded by kaamdev's arrow, never mind he paid with his life for that little service as he was burnt to ashes by the irate god.

Yet, does love need to be all about fire and self immolation (a la Mohini)? Does love that not get consummated into a formal relationship end? Do you have to swear undying love in blood to prove its existence? Can it not be the magic that you hug to yourself or the lucky charm that raises up your spirits when you are down? It can be the serene knowledge that someone loves you unconditionally, unselfishly in this ' business as usual' world!   'It is better to love and lose, than never to love' goes the saying, but from where I stand, loving does not seem to be about losing or winning. I am told possession is nine-tenths of the law of real estate.  Is it the whole of romance too? Does one have to possess the loved one? Maybe. ..... but the business of living is tough enough without trying to get perfect fairytale endings for love. That is probably the reason most stories end with the wedding scene and not ten years and two kids  later. King Edward's abdication may sound divine, but why did Mrs. Simpson not make the sacrifice and insist he keeps the throne and work for the greater good. What if he felt that he'd made the biggest mistake a few years later and could not say anything about it? Is Mira's love any less intense Laila's ?

I do not know how the ~~'Sohni-Mahiwal'~~ errrr, 'Mohini- Shahnawaz' story will end, but I doubt it will be a regular fairy tale with knights on chargers and damsels in distress. But then again, who is to say that all fairy tales should be the same?!!

The land that time warped....

2011-05-24T16:29:00.006+05:30

I had posted on this subject sometime ago only to discover that blogger had taken some posts off due to some technical problems. I probably can retrieve it, but it is so much easier( not necessarily better though) to write instead of delving into technology to fix things.The story of young Moin Khan, a little child of ten, who moved from Bihar to Delhi so he could earn a living. What he earned instead was death at the hands of his uncle. That you should have to earn a living at just ten years old is terrible in itself, and working in a beedi factory for a pitiful one rupee an hour is worse than pathetic. Beaten and tortured on a regular basis for not being productive enough. With no avenue of escape and no hope of seeing any kindness. On 21st April, he was beaten so violently that his frail body just gave up against the onslaught. I can not even imagine the hellish nightmares he must have gone through before he died. The parents could not even come and collect the body as they did not have the funds. Such abject poverty in the land where scams run into millions of rupees and the corrupt seem to have more money than they can ever manage to spend. Such brutishness in a land that was known for its 'culture'. 'jahan daal daal par soneki chidiya karti hai basera' The sone ki chidiya is an elusive creature that seems to prefer to the gilded cages only the rich and powreful can provide.

In contrast to the story, was another that claims India as the land where the concept of animal rights emerged from. Asoka the great, in the aftermath (and remorse ) of the Kalinga war, was the first one to realize the need and pass laws that upheld animal rights. I believe that animal rights are on par with human rights. Yet when one human can treat another of his own species in this depraved manner, it is beyond depressing. The story was covered for a couple of days before another spectacular death took over the media. Osama bin Laden was dead and the world and its uncle could only talk of that. Moin is a forgotten 'story'. I do not know what/ how terrorists come to be, but maybe getting tortured to death for a rupee is less attractive than believing that one is dying for a worthy cause, however misguided the belief maybe!

Then there was Dhanashree who suffered a similar if not worse fate in gods own country and the land of 100% literacy. She was starved, physically and even sexually abused by a couple and no one among their neighbours or friends even noticed it happening. The popular song played on national holidays continues 'Jahan satya, ahimsa, aur dharam ka pag pag lagta deraa'. If this is the truth, non violence and dharam we are supposed to be proud of, count me out! I am sure for every Moin and Dhanshree there are countless who go unnoticed.What Ahimsa are we talking about?

In a land that gave the world paper ( now they say it was us and not China) I wish we could devote some column centimetres of it to covering such issues to their logical conclusion. Making sure the guilty are punished and creating enough public opinion to get tough laws and enforce them put a stop to such torture. If Asoka, the monarch of all he surveyed, could change his way of life and legislation, should not his democratic descendants be able to do something to ensure all children and the future of this country is safe?? How can we talk of India's glorious past and brilliant future when we cannot take care of the innocent, the less able, the defenceless?

Happy new year!! Again!!!

2011-04-04T19:55:00.002+05:30

Or Yugadi, Gudi padva, Samsar padva....take your pick. Today, many of us in different parts of India, celebrate a new year. Our country is probably the only one in the world that has many "new years" in the standard 365 days.That means many more opportunities to make new beginnings, make new resolutions (or just remind ourselves about the old ones) and wish our friends and family the very best for the coming 365 days!!

A status on facebook said something about a happy new year to Telgu friends, Marathi friends.... my question, can we not just wish everyone? The answer to my question was that it was like being greeted on someone else's birthday. I do not know if the analogy is fitting, but having lived in different parts of India I have had lots of fun celebrating different local festivals. In a way, I did adopt an other's birthday, have a party and enjoyed myself in the process. There was no Holi in Kerala where I lived as a child,, but now thanks to movies, serials and people moving from state to state, Gods own country is more colourful!

In a country that now has the golden arches and KFC along with Punjabi parathas and idli sambhar, we surely need not let language deter us from partying!.After all do we not ring out the old and ring in the new, every 31st December like the western nations do? And that calendar was certainly not 'born' in India! Is that really like celebrating someone else's birthday? If it means gifts, treats and loving wishes, I am all for celebrating any body's birthday too!!

Wishing everyone a Happy new year!!!.

Ye of little faith

2011-03-09T19:43:00.001+05:30

My help at home is a devout Muslim woman. That her faith is tested almost everyday is another story. A husband who is forever drunk (he is aware that it is a no no by his faith)and quarrelsome, who beats her for no reason. Straight from the movies.. a wicked mom in law, bitchy sister in law..with no fairy tale ending in sight. But this post is not about her trials and travails. It is not about the mundane.

She has an aesthetic outlook and very often uses her own discretion in the placement of plants and small artifacts as she dusts and cleans my home. Mostly, she does a decent job and on the occasions that she does not, I let it be for a day or two before making the change unobtrusively. The other day, I noticed a very small shell on one of the shelves. Surprised to find a lone shell I was about to return it to the bowl along with its companions, when she saw me handling the shell and remarked "Woh shankh maine Shivji ke paas rakkha hai." Mystified, I looked around and among all the aartifacts, saw a small statue of Shiva with Nandi, just next to the little conch. She had kept the little shell because she assumed that it was auspicious next to the statue. She had found the it while sifting through some unwanted stuff. I was surprised that she knew about the conch and found the appropriate deity, something that many devout Hindus may have missed.

Relegion is often practised within very rigid parameters, ad seems to depend on its participants to follow precise instructions like fasting in exacting ways, lighting the right number of lamps, the right pictures, the most beautiful accessories that money can buy Acts of faith, I think we can all say,' been there done that'. But this was more than just an act of faith. Being born and brought up in India, I am sure we imbibe so many things that we do not even recognise to be from a 'different' faith from which we are born into. I visited church so many times as I went to a catholic school, i can hum some of the hymns.I have seen Muslims bow their heads while wlaking past temples, Hindus visit gurudwaras, Christians fight to visit temples ( Yesudas wanted to visit the Ayyappa temple).. ..

If only we could recognise this devotion which is probably the most heartfelt form of faith, "Ayodha", "Babri" and "Godhra" would not be in inverted comas, they would not be words said warily. She may be illiterate, and uneducated, but my help knows what faith is all about!! I wish the custodians of faith did too.

Anything for some eyeballs!

2011-02-26T17:26:00.002+05:30

Think of something that has the potential to get the world up in arms. Then just do it. If that does not get you more eyeballs then any good you have ever done, I'll be most surprised. In the world crowded with scams larger than ever, countries that are burning and collapsing as we speak, and sports like cricket taking over the leftover space in the public eye, what do you do if you are a fading celebrity. Just do something outrageous. Like circulate stories of your break-up / link-up with another equally fading celeb. But that may be passe..... too many celebs breaking up or making up. So then you do something even more outrageous.. circulate a picture of you having your shoelaces tied by two young women fawning at your feet.

Bipasha Basu recently tweeted "I need to learn to tie shoe laces ASAP! Embarrassed that I can't! No patience.. grrrrr! Promise I am not spoilt! Will learn soon," and tagged it with the picture of two girls tying shoelaces.

You can then have the women's groups up in arms, the human rights people protesting against you and the general furore will just get you in the news. At least reminding people that you exist. What if you are not seen in any recent movie?

Selling yourself.. Keeping yourself in the public eye. When the world was a younger place and there was no blogging, certainly no micro blogging, we read something about the stars in some glitzy magazine on a train journey, we believed all that was written there. We were completely hypnotised by their scandalous yet swanky life styles, where morals seemed few and far from the real world. But whatever we thought about it, it certainly created a memory that was hard to erase. I for one, never realized, it was insidious hard sell. The product being the person/ persona.

Today, everything is a product...... Bipasha Basu being the latest in a list of meaningless controversies. Whether it is a writer claiming he was not given due credit or an actor claiming dissatisfaction, anything for a sale, seems to be the rule. Too bad that we all fall prey to these scandals and devote so much time, energy and space to them.

Looks like Bipasha got what she wanted after all!

The difficulty in being good

2011-02-20T11:29:00.000+05:30

Shahrukh Khan says it in his movie 'Om Shanti Om'. . "agar sab kuch theek nahin hai, toh picture abhi baki hai mere dost" meaning that if all is not well, it's not the end yet.

A lot has been said to this effect 'alls well that ends well',' good things come to good people' and so on. In fact, we bring up generations based on this premise that 'good begets good' and everything will end well... When good people suffer, from illness, death, loss of security,we console ourselves with the thought that it will end and after all some downs are a part of every one's life.

But here is my problem... Wonderful things happen to the undeserving. Who says they are 'undeseving'? After all, I am no one to judge. But Going by the same general yardsticks that define and govern 'goodnes', there are some expectations of behaviour. Something like the ten commandments... love your family, love your neighbours, do not lie ..you know... and then these very same people go on to be have things their way.. I know.. it's petty to feel upset and upset is probably a strong word. What I feel is a niggle at the injustice of it all. Doesn't anyone else?

I have lived long enough to know that it is not envy. I know of wonderful people who have not got their due, who have lived whole lives with pain wholly undeserved. Like this nice 47 year old who has now spent about half his life gradually losing his sight, knowing it and yet laughing and making others laugh. Recently, someone died at age forty after ten years of illness thru which she rarely complained.. A very good publication devoted to investigative journalism got shut down because of lack of funds while yellow tabloids seem to have endless resources..

Why do good people have to suffer and those who are not, rewarded? Getting away from reality, even TV serials have the righteous being tested by adversity at all times, while the wicked get away with murder...

In public life, we see politicians and corrupt businessmen get away with scams that could set up economies of entire countries. There are stories galore of hosety taking a beating at the hands of the corrupt. RTI activists who have been hurt and killed, while the Goondas getting away with murder. Remember Manjunath, who lost his life to the oil mafia? Where is a happy ending there?

Am I whining too much? Maybe because even if good things come to bad people, terrible things should not happen to the good! (and here I feel more than a niggle, i feel very upset) Yes, I do know that we have to do our bit and keep trying. Tell that to the mother of the collector of Malkangiri who has been kidnapped by the Maoists..

All this is enough to put you off being 'good'! Which is probably why Arthur freed said, "Don't try to be different. Just be good. To be good is different enough"..

Valentine's day love/ hate

2011-02-14T12:29:00.000+05:30

If there is love, can hate be far behind? After all they are the flip sides of the same coin. In keeping with that, nothing / no day can be more controversial than Valentines day.. in India at least. We are an emotional people and all our feelings come out in full err..force!

Call it the ultimate Valentine's Gift .. giving up your life for love!!. After all isn't it what legends are made of? Romeo Juliet, Laila Majnu or our very own Heer Ranjha..What were their deaths about? Today they would be termed (dis) honour killings.One of the first stories I caught today ... A young girl in Agra gave up her life for loving someone her family did not approve of. Was it fatherly love for her as her father brutally put an end to her life. What about legendary maternal love, as her mother watched life ebbing out her own flesh and blood. After all, V day is not only about lovers and romantic love. Interestingly, the dishonour killings are solely reserved for loved ones, errant daughters, sisters, nieces nephews, etc. just for the love of false prestige, love of society.... It is all about love.

Then there are the stories that compete with each other for being , well, romance number one. Couples who have known each other for a few ~~minutes~~ months or just a couple of years, plead undying love for their partners. Can the media please find someone who has been married for a few decades, raised children, gone through the ups and downs of life and stuck together despite all that? No, no, I have nothing against young love and am as much into "jab we met" as the next person, but since when did flying to London to be with me on graduation day qualify as the nicest thing someone has done. Hey, I am willing to fly to London for just about any one's graduation if all else is taken care of. And I do not even have to know the person. I even promise to clap and cheer the loudest. Another besotted man claimed to have been floored by his fiance, waiting up for him on his return from an overseas trip. Call me cynic, but sharing a night time vigil, for a cranky, sick child, night after night, tops that any day. When I was young, I pulled 'allnighters' for no real reason anyway. So waiting up for a fiancee would have been a walk in the park.

Can Valentine day be complete without those who oppose it? Violently at that! The original Rama Sena.. the one that was lead by Lord Rama.. was it not for "love"? Rama was separated from his beloved Sita and despite being royalty who could have more than one wife (His own Father had three), He chose to take an army and win her back. A sene by the same name fight to tear lovers apart... (Shakespeare definitely knew his stuff when he said what's in a name)

I do not know what other love /hate stories will come up during the day, but as I understand it, Valentines day is not just about romantic love.. It is just about LOVE, plain and simple. This valentines day I hope to find in my heart, love for the less fortunate, animals (dogs, cats, birds etc and not the beasts who can kill and maim in the name of love) I hope everyone finds more love, compassion and understanding.

Happy Valentine's day!!

How to pay a compliment and other tips..

2011-02-13T11:11:00.000+05:30

How do you respond to someone who, on meeting you after ten years, goes "aap toh buddhe ho gaye" meaning ' You have grown old' . After ten years I guess everyone is older ... So you try and brush it off with a smiling "Haan, mein ho gayi hoon buddhi" to be met with a violent protest of " nahin, nahin, itne chote bacche hain, tum toh itni acchcchi lagti thi" meaning 'no, you have such young kids.. you used to look so good'. With the older one in college and the younger one at almost fourteen.. I guess I did look better ten years ago, but never a contender for a title..even a local one...

Here is the question ...Have I got a backhandedcompliment or an insult?

Smelling like a rose..

2011-02-12T21:46:00.001+05:30

Remember the 'Mills and Boone' hero of yore? He was suave and yet he would be strong physically, able to rein in the wildest stallion, drive the toughest route, swim the strongest rapids.. you get the drift. He would be brawny and brainy and yet have a 'musky smell' after a hard day at the ranch. He was at home in the board room/ operation theatre and equally at ease on a rock face, scaling it with great ease 'the shirt stretched clinging to him , an elusive manly smell of sweat with the clean soap...' What I am trying to say here is the fact that we did not hear much about a deodorant..

Yesterday,I watched a buff John Abraham on TV, scaling a mountain of sorts, drawing attention to how his teammate was sweating, while claiming that 'damp patches had no chance' with him. I dislike body odor as much as the next person, but I assume that sweat is a natural outcome of hard physical effort. Would you not sweat on while scaling a mountain?

Anorexia, Bulimia, are words that are very common these days. Girls and even boys drive themselves hard to get to that perfect concept on beauty that the media portrays. Perfect, but impossible to attain standards of beauty! With problems like this why am I worried about deodorants??? Because they are all connected... If you perpetuate the idea that hair should be in place even when cavorting on the beach, there should be blemish free skin at all times, there should be not a drop of sweat in sight no matter if you scale the tallest mountain... now if that is not unnatural, what is?

To the many youngsters who are hanging on to every word that leaves the lips o their celebrity idols, this can mean only some more unnatural aspirations and even unhealthy ones.. chemicals on the skin in the long run cannot be really good for anyone. Apart from the physical fall outs ( maybe we will discover that blocking pores with deos can lead to some deadly disease like cancer) there is the issue of low self esteem, which can cripple the entire young generation.

Mills and Boone books were absolute fantasy, yet even they seemed to have more normal people and that is saying something...Looking great and feeling good is all very well, but can we have more normal standards?

Globe trotting!!

2010-12-26T12:20:00.000+05:30

Imagine an 18 year old travelling transatlantic alone for the first time. All excited about being with the family and friends for the holidays. He loads up the gifts which he has bought from his first ever earnings. He reaches the airport well in advance and is the first one at the counter..... only to be told that he cannot travel that day!!!! The oversight is from the travel agent/ tourist site which guaranteed him that he would not need a visa for transiting through that airport. The reality is that there are two different terminals which require him to get out of the airport and go through the city for which he would need a Visa.

All alone at the airport, he does the only thing he can do.. call home in India. So at 2.30 AM the parents are startled out of their sleep to hear him saying that he cannot come. Can anything be more disappointing on Christmas day? The father logs on to the Internet and the mother brews some tea in anticipation of the long night ahead. The travel agent with the 1-800 number responds, but repeats the same thing over and over like one who has her lines down, too pat. "We are sorry, but as his documentation is not complete, he cannot travel today. We will give you a credit of 75% of the money and he can travel when his documentation is complete" . Really? But are you not the same people who repeated assurances that no Visa was needed for transit in the first place?. Also, who will give credit on the DISAPPOINTMENT we are all experiencing, never mind the credit on the 25% of the money!!

After more than an hour of being on hold and listening to the parroted statement, it seems like the only option is to cancel the reservation, take the sacred 75% and run to the next available ticket. Which would mean a last minute astronomically expensive ticket with some weird routing ( even via the moon maybe, astronomically being the operative word.. do they need visas for that?) as the holidays are on and the airplanes are full.

Maybe it was the Christmas spirit on the day of well..... Christmas, or it was the beseeching eyes or the disappointed look in the eyes of the 18 year old , but he was put on "Stand by" for another route,on a completely different carrier transiting through another country altogether, where he needed no Visa. Of course, it also meant arriving into a completely different city more than 800 kms away from the destination of choice, but being Indian, relatives and friends abound in every corner. But wait! "Stand by"" means just that! You wait all checked in at the gate, looking like the homeless person who wants to gatecrash the party of rich celebrities. You wait for everyone to go in and take their seats and IF there is a seat to spare ( like leftovers) you will be accommodated. Any port in a storm and any straw while drowning.... he held on. The wait punctuated by calls back and forth to anxious parents and travel agents.

Good things come to those who stand and wait, especially on Christmas day, seemed like. So he was let into the party along with the celebrities. So what if he was now going through a very different airport, to a destination that was neither close to nor convenient to his intended one. So what if it meant skillful juggling and rearranging some more travel plans and dragging relatives, reluctant or otherwise, to meet him at the unfamiliar place at god forsaken hours like 4.30 in the morning.

Welcome to global travel. You want to go one place and to reach there you traverse more places than you care to name (and are too tired to name or care) The world is shrinking they say. Add the extra hours spent on the plane just gathering more jet lag and it definitely seems to be the opposite. The information age does give you data at your fingertips, but it is not neccesarily the correct/complete information.Welcome to a networked world. But all said and done thanks to some kind, old fashioned human machinations, you land somewhere in the vicinity of what you intended.

Now all that is to be sorted out is the mere 800 kms distance, but for someone whose first trip as an adult began with a firm shove off the intended flight, this must seem a minor detail. Let the HOLIDAYS begin!!

A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all!

FrIends Forever???

2010-12-24T20:23:00.000+05:30

Watching a rerun of friends the other day, I realized why the sitcom was so popular. This episode has a friend of Monica and Phoebe letting it out that Phoebe was, at one time, trying to cut Monica out of her friends. When Monica asks her why, Phoebe tell her that she was, "controlling, compulsive and shrill". "But I am still all those things", shrills Monica. "But you are also generous, kind and scrappy" says Phoebe.

To me that conversation epitomises what friendship is all about. You may not like some of what your friend is / does, but you love them for the good qualities that matter more. There are things That matter in the long run and overshadow the smaller irritants that we may notice at first.

The younger you are, the more the superficial matters, but an adult you love your friends for the qualities that will never change, no matter how much their appearance changes. Very young friendships are mostly about convenience. You play with someone and you are friends. Of course you have your preferred friends, but as you are dependent on adults to take you places and decide what is 'good company' , it does not really count.

As teenagers, which is probably the earliest you take your own decisions about who is your friend and who is not, it is the first impressions. Maybe looks and confidence and how cool the person is, probably gadgets he/she owns.By the time you get to college, you are more sure about what you like in a person as you have tried and tested many relationships. You have bared your heart and have had confidences broken. You have shared secrets and even let some out . You have discovered your own self.. your style, your esteem, your confidence.

College is all about serious experimentation. You do know somewhat, who you'd like to share all the adventures with. The ones you want to follow or assist in their adventures. You do not tell tales and even if you disagree, you never tell the establishment. These are the friends you get into hairy situations like going for a trek and not having any money at the end to pay for the bus fare. These are the friends who share your dreams of making it big and the ones to who can bring you down to earth with one word that punctures that dream. The ones you share that forbidden drink and then some, wake up with hangovers knowing that no one will really hold you to all your drunken ramblings.The ones who play cupid and lookout for any 'pyaar ke dushman'.They are fiercely loyal and equally anti-establishment (meaning the older generation).

These friends are the ones you end up staying in touch with for a very long time. It does seem to fade a bit just as soon as you enter the work place as everyone gets busy with real life issues, like careers, spouses and children. However the chances are they will still support you via the stray conversations over the phone ( and now the Internet) It is from these people you begin to learn discernment. You learn to look beyond the obvious . Remember the friend who let slip that you did not do very well in the chemistry test even before you were ready to tell your parents. Even though you wanted to kick her at that point, you remembered how she had loaned you her best earrings, so you could look good for your latest crush.

You make friends all along the way but you make less as you go along. It may be the pressure at work or the stress of sleepless nights due to a newborn's crying, it could be the long commute to work and shopping for the vegetables that leave you little time to explore new relationships. It becomes even more important to cherish and nurture the relationships that already exist. With maturity comes the realisation that you have flaws that can be irritating if not worse. If there are those who can tolerate them, you too have to tolerate a few yourself. Friendships become more than just chemistry and partying.

With maturity you learn to examine friends as individuals rather than just a support system. You can admire one for the way for the caring father he has become, another for the way she deals with difficult in-laws, yet another for his patience with his juniors and someone for her expert juggling of career and family responsibilities.

One thing I know for sure is that time is teaching me to look at things in more detail and get a better overall view ( dos that even make sense?). Like Phoebe in friends, I may on occasion be tempted to sit in judgement and dismiss the actions of others, I am also aware that I should take a second look and think of all that I find positive.

Everyone, even you and I, deserve a second chance and the only one to give it to us, are FRIENDS!

Happiness on hold

2010-12-17T22:30:00.000+05:30

Sometimes we do not see things even when they are staring us in the face. Happiness for instance!. We do not recognise it because we are too busy chasing some elusive concept that we have heard about or read about. We savour the anticipation of what will be instead of revelling in the present moment, looking for that perfect something, forgetting that happiness is not about everything being perfect.

I remember a movie from long long ago...it seems like eons.. called 'Grihapravesh'. It had Sharmila Tagore and Sanjiv Kumar in the lead along with Sarika. ( I did say it was from long ago !) Sharmila is a housewife whose one aim is to have a house of her own. It is an obsession to the extent that she neglects repairing the rental home and even herself. She is constantly talking of the house she plans to have when she has enough money. The husband, Sanjiv Kumar is so bored with her obsession and the fact that she cannot look beyond it, strays with a colleague, younger and interesting, Sarika. He tells her how his wife neglects herself and him in the process. The girl buys it and responds to his overtures. When he wife comes to know about this,she asks the husband to get the girlfriend over. Puzzled at her strange reaction, he agrees to do so.

Almost overnight, the wife has her house painted, set right and beautified. She also takes some pains with her appearance. When the girlfriend comes over, she is surprised to see a home and wife at variance with what he has described. The husband too is stunned at the makeover and you can see the rekindling of the interest for his wife. For the wife who had been chasing a phantom of owning a home, it is homecoming to the concept of living life in the moment, grabbing life with both hands and holding on to all that is precious.

Today I read a news item about a housewife who was murdered at home for no apparent reason. The 36 yer old leaves behind a 14 yr old son and a husband. I was just wondering what the last memories about her ere. Did she smile at her son this morning as he left for school or did she exhort him to study harder? Did she wave at her husband before he left for work or did she crib about his mother? I hope they all have good memories of her. I hope she did not reserve all her love for some later special occasion that will never come. Women especially, (being one, I should know) often save the good things for special occasions. The best cutlery, the best crockery, the best sari,... partly because we love surprises and being made to feel special. Yet when I read such things, I wish we all could treat each moment as special. We can always enjoy those extra special moments too, as and when they dawn.

For now how about looking the moment in its face and going for that happiness makeover.. a la Sharmila in 'Grihapravesh'?

Gender stereotypes

2010-12-14T20:56:00.000+05:30

One of the recent serials on TV shows a woman alone, bringing up her four children, running a business and looking after her family and business with great gumption. She faces the barbs of her neighbours and even drives her tempo to deliver her 'khakras' (a savoury snack). Good going I thought, showing a woman in a slightly different light from the usual 'saas- bahu' fare.

I still think it is not too bad except that though she talks of sending her daughter to medical school, every time there is a household chore, she tells the daughter. While I have no issues with young girls learning about house work and doing it when needed, I think boys too should be adept at household chores. These days it is a good idea for everyone to know a little bit of everything. So if girls can drive their families around and change the light bulb when needed, boys should be able to lay tables, do the laundry and cook some basic things. It would be wonderful if this could be taught when young, but at least by the time they leave college, they should have some skills.

Having said this, my sons are not exactly skilled at these things, but then I see my older one, age 18 dealing with some stuff now. Also attitude wise, they have no mental blocks about such things. I wish our serials would also keep such nuances in mind. It would go a long way in changing our mindset.!

Floor cleaners and spectacles

2010-12-14T20:13:00.002+05:30

A friend's daughter travels the world and brings home all kind of potions, lotions and beauty aids for her. Not the very beauty conscious kind, she had no real preferences. The other day while washing her hair, she picked up one at random and when she opened it, smelled "neem". Thinking of all the herbal products on the market, she applied some on her hair. The lack of lather did not really bother her, and she just put some more which seemed to seep into her scalp. Shrugging at the seemingly large quantities of shampoo needed, she poured a liberal dose on to her head and felt a burning sensation. Puzzled, she decided grabbed her reading glasses and read "Floor cleaner" on the label. She has sworn to keep her glasses with her at all times!

By the way, her head looks clean and shiny!

Does She make me look fat?

2010-12-07T12:02:00.000+05:30

My husband is convinced that what has never happened to him in his youth will happen now. Thanks to me. He is convinced that he will get smacked by some indignant woman or her jealous husband...all because of me. When ever we pass a woman who seems like she could be my size, I ask him.. Do I look like her? The first few times, my husband thought I was hoping to find my doppelganger ( lookalike) but after many years of marriage, he has begun to correctly interpret it as " Am I as fat?" And even if he is not looking in that direction, he is forced to look at the woman in question! More often than not I do not get a straight answer, so the question seems a futile one. Yet I cannot resist asking that question.

What about the mirrors in your home, you ask. Well, I can never see myself from all angles in a mirror.. definitely not in the way that I can see others. There is also photographs, you say. But you see, I am told that the camera adds pounds to you in a picture and for a person whom even every gram counts ( not when going into the mouth though :(!, it is hard to reconcile those pounds. Also with pictures, I am often tempted to blame it all on the camera. So to get some perspective, that question I ask is very important.

For all those men who get thrown off with this question, let me tell you, we women ask this question hoping to be told that we are not as fat. We crave that reassurance, which is why you'll never see us asking this question when we see some one like Aishwarya Rai or her ilk. One friend confessed that she makes sure she picks women who leave no room for doubt, as she does not want to confuse her husband. "Even then he takes his own time answering and even replies with a shrug on occasion", she says dejectedly

I am not sure if men can identify with this eternal question, but if you have ever wanted to say the three words that will send your woman into transports of joy and make her your slave for life, just answer the question with an emphatic "No, you're not!"

What answers do we have?

2010-12-03T15:37:00.000+05:30

She came late for work again and just as I was about to tell her off, I noticed the swollen face. The right side looked like someone had thrown a rock at it. I asked her what happened, only to hear the familiar story. The good for nothing husband had rained blows last night. Just because she told him not to pick a fight with the neighbours.

He came back just a month ago a defeated man. He had gone to Dubai where he hoped to make some money and fulfill the family's material aspirations. Turned out that his Visa was for him to work as a mason, a skill he did not have. This was the visa for which he had paid Rs.1.25 lakhs, that he had begged and borrowed. He even got the money from his wife's employers and anyone , all of who are queuing outside his home and harassing her!

She was happy to see him go for more than one reason. The money would be welcome as they were subsisting on her earnings. He disdained to work for the last couple of months as he was destined for bigger things in Dubai. She was also relieved because it would mean less fights with the neighbours and beatings for the children. He would let go with anything including the bamboo lathis and the planks lying around.

If this seems like an art film or a movie a la 'Slumdog millionaire' let me assure you that it is the truth and nothing but the truth. I have tried more than once to get her to stand up for herself. She sheds tears, refuses to go to the people who can help in any way and always hopes that it will be better as soon as he apologises.... till he beats her up the next time.

I do know that domestic abuse is a big problem the world over. In this case she has no parents to go back to. Her siblings will not really support her.The neighbours in her basti are too busy or jaded and see it too often to intervene. I live too far to reach her immediately. She does not want to complain as he will be out in a day or two and then things will be worse for her. No one can assume life long responsibility for her. I encourage her to educate her children and she has just recently learnt to read and write, and even though I keep a steady refrain about her rights and how she should not put up with abuse, it is hard for her to break the shackles of propriety, shame and society.

It frustrates me and makes me feel inadequate and I keep urging her to get out before he kills or maims her and her three children. I just hope she does.

NEWS with a view

2010-11-30T16:15:00.001+05:30

I would have thought that with all the scams, politics (or is that one and the same?), gold medals etc, the newspapers would be infact too full to have any space for lesser stuff. I obviously do not know the media. One story(?) that caught my attention and held it ( mostly because I could not believe I was reading the headline) was that of Yana Gupta and her errr..wardrobe malfunction. For those who might have missed this tidbit in their quest for real news, it was the front page , almost a quarter of it, talking about how she had got caught on camera without her unmentionables. Then again, it was most mentionable, as the headlines loudly proclaimed 'I am the no panty girl'. Now, I do know that the little extra bit that comes with the regular Times of India every day is more like Masala times than anything newsy, but still.... never thought I'd see this and more importantly in such cheerful terms almost lauding her for being "sporting". I am not a prude (and my children will support me on this), but I think I can do without such NEWS.

The other bit of news (well, sort of ) came to me via email and it was a story that is worth sharing. I am sure we have probably heard about it and read about it before but such stories are worth repeating as they leave a pleasant feeling behind, make you want to do something too. It is simply called "hole-in-the-wall", a concept initiated by Dr. Sugata Mitra, who just put a computer in a wall adjoining a slum area and gave free access to the people around. The children came to it in hordes and learnt how to use it by themselves.No matter how it started and what prompted it, it was a great idea to give children who otherwise may not have it, access to computers.

No matter how many times I read about stuff like 'hole-in-the-wall' it seems a great idea and wonderful news that people are getting access to information and technology. Is the other news item really news? I am sure the world can and will survive very well if we hear less about a model/ starlet/ celebrity(??) not wearing something. They make news for that reason anyway. Can we have a little less of that??

Exchange Value

2010-11-20T11:28:00.000+05:30

Give in the old, and take new ones .. happens all the time these days.. Exchange offers.. Tv,cars, cooking ranges, Pressure cookers,... and Parents!. Yes, you read right.. parents as in mom and dad, Janmdatas.. If it were not enough to see Rakhi Sawant going thru the coy motions of choosing her 'life partner' (even after marriage,celebrity partnerships fall prey to so many breaks, it is advisable to keep them open ended) and see Rahul Mahajan pick his bride and eventually be accused of violence by the blushing bride, you could see Sara, an inmate of the big boss house pick and marry her partner on the show, now you can change another partnership.. the one you are born into.. your parents!

BIG SWITCH, a show on UTV bindass, which attempts to give parents and children a taste of what the otehr half deal with... bratty kids for parents, chosen by the children who feel that parents complain too much and tough parents for kids used to easy lives. The idea ostensibly is to give all the participants (and the viewers) a different view of life, different from what they are used to ..

As a popular ad says, 'Next is what?'!!

Give and Take

2010-11-17T20:42:00.000+05:30

This is a phrase we have all heard all our lives... "give and take". It has been reiterated in every language that we can understand. It is a good thing too. Life goes better if there is some 'give and take'. We teach our children to share and give. But what is it that we really want them to do? When we talk of giving is it not in the larger scope of giving to the lesser fortunate, to the world.... to be generous?

But is it absolutely important to balance out every favour, every little gift and every little phrase? I do not know how it goes with you, but every time I give something to someone, I feel that they can't wait to return it. No, no, not the same thing, but in kind. Try it. Give someone a signature dish and the next day or the day after.. you'll get some dish they made. They borrow a cup of sugar and not only return that but add some fruit to it so they do not feel obligated.

Sometimes it is difficult to keep track where in the cycle one is. They give, you return, they give more and you give back.. till you forget where you are in the cycle. Who has the upper hand? Are you the one who has taken more or given more? Who has given you and whom have you given to? Did you dine at their place or should they be dining at yours? Did they call you or is it your turn to make that call? Did you get the compliment ( not that I mind) because you said something nice? It makes the head spin!!

I am not very good at accounting. So why do I, you may ask. Well, I learnt that if the opposite number is good at this egalitarian give and take, you better be good at balancing the scales too. If not you may be the one branded as the selfish taker.

I admit, not everyone I know is so gift aware. The close friends do not seem to mind one way or another, but in a world that neighbours and locals can get to you faster than any far flung family, you do have to get along with those around you. No one wants to be obligated and returning a container empty is an absolute 'no no'.

So should I wait for someone to read my post, or is it my turn to read another's??! :)

Stereotype Damage

2010-11-15T18:56:00.000+05:30

Not withstanding the progressive step by the judiciary on the status of gay/ lesbian relationships, the popular opinion may never change. Thanks to the portrayal of such relationships and the people in them on TV and Cinema. Case at hand being a serial called "Baat Hamari Pakki Hai" on Sony. The Serial recently had the lead character called Shravan claiming , under a hypnotic spell, that he was in love with Pappuu, another character. The absurdity is crowned by the adverse reactions of the family, who scream things like "Tumne khandaan ka naam dubo diya" ( you have ruined the family name) , " Aaj tak is khaandaan nein aisa nahin hua" ( this has never happened in this family before) and many such derogatory and regressive lines. In fact whole episodes( more than one) are devoted to this theme with this kind of dialogue. The hero protests his ' innocence' ( really?) and berates himself on such deviant( really, really?) behaviour with lines like' no wonder my father and brother want to turn me out of the house'.

How can a show so regressive be on air? Why are the producers producing it, the actors ready to play these roles and the channel air it? It sets back the clock with the viewers. Any hard won victory in the courts will be forgotten and same sex love will be termed deviant in the court of popular opinion. Do we really need this in the name of comedy and raising the TRPs??

Age no bar

2010-10-30T21:52:00.001+05:30

My mother -in-law called was recently invited to a 'satsang', literally translated meaning 'company of the virtuous'. Since it was a neighbour, she was surprised to know that I had no invitation to the same . She went and on her return told me that the hosts did not invite me as 'uski umar nahin hui hai na', meaning 'she is not at that age yet'. I am not into satsangs, but then, neither is my mother-in-law. So is this age discrimination? Just like we are always ready to take the word of an adult over a child, or think that adults know more than the children who question them.

We get upset when we do not see age appropriate behaviour. A sixty year old is not sitting and reading a religious text, when a child openly rebels against some tradition he sees no sense in.. a sixty eight year old travelling around the world for pleasure...

What is age appropriate behaviour? Going to kindergarten at age three plus, starting college at eighteen, getting a job within five to six years of that, getting married, having children, retiring from work at sixty and so on.... while these are very broad expectations, we have more minute details that we expect to follow. Mothers have to give up the last morsel of their food if their child likes it. Youngsters are expected to touch the feet of elders, daughters -in-law should adopt the traditions and customs of the husbands family overnight. Sons in law should be treated with kid gloves .. the list is endless.

A lady I know lives on her own while her son and his family live just half a kilometre away with his mother in law.. and the world and it's uncle is really concerned about why his mother is living on her own! After all it is her right to live with the son. Never mind the fact that this independent lady wants to be on her own. She is able and works as a volunteer for a good cause. She has friends who accompany her to movies, lunches and dinners, picnics and even excursions and trips overseas. "Yet one of the most common questions put to me is why I do not live with my son and daughter-in-law. They look disappointed or sceptical when I assure them that there is no problem .. it's just choice.. till I can manage. I guess I am not following the standard expectations.I would have been unhappy had I given in to standard expectations. I am expected to live with my son, go to temples and read holy books. I could do all these, but why should I limit myself to these?"

'Satsang' or dance party, why should age be the deciding factor? As they say, age is just a number and as for expectations of others.. the less we worry about them, the happier we will be!

The Rapunzel complex

2010-10-27T13:20:00.001+05:30

I wonder if Rapunzel, who let down her hair for the prince and lived happily ever after, was ever tempted to cut her hair. Now that she had escaped from her lonely tower and settled into wedded bliss (since I assume that 'living in' was probably not an option in fairy tales, but that should be the subject of another post) with age and greying. Imagine having to color hair that long!! By the time you did the tips, the roots would probably be ready for the next round. If she were fond of the low maintenance life, she must have cut it, or at least thought about it and turned it over in her mind.

I am not very patient with all that needs to be done for beauty. Which means that the world has to like me or leave me just the way I am. This also means that while I think about getting that great haircut often, I have worn my hair long for most of my adult life. Yes, long is less work... because you can let it dry any which way, you can have it go a couple of days without worrying about style, you can just bundle it up or braid it when you have no time for a quick shampoo before a party. I know people think that long hair is difficult to manage, but if like me, you do not worry about the grey (recently a friend of mine commented that it was all the grey matter inside, spilling out. Going by the amount of grey and that theory, I should have none inside the head by now) then, long hair is simple to manage. Let me point out the ways..
1. No regular haircuts needed to keep the look intact.
2. You sweep it up roughly and then pin it with one of the umpteen clips available in the market these days.
3. No styling post washing.
4. No setting needed.
and so on .. the benefits are many .. and to top it people think you take so much care, to which you can nod and take credit. So you can make sheer laziness look like lot of effort (love that part).

I am told that middle age means that you feel like shorter (read more here) hair.. so far I have resisted the urge and my inertia has helped.... who knows what Rapunzel did?

Clinton lost the WHAT??!

2010-10-22T15:46:00.000+05:30

Where do you search for it? Is there a lost and found for nuclear buttons....OK, so it was not a button, but the authentication codes.. same difference.
Bill Clinton, a two time president of the US of A, misplaced ' THE' codes.

So for all of us harried people, lesser mortals so to speak, there is a lesson in there. To never get harried.. So what if you misplace your car keys, or the doctor's prescription, the TV remote, or your cell phone, your spectacles.. after all it is not affecting the future of humanity the way of a nuclear bomb!

Come to think of it, maybe if it had stayed lost, the threat of nuclear war can not be brandished at the drop of a hat. What's so bad about that??

She stands and waits..

2010-10-21T12:28:00.001+05:30

....so she may do something other than what he wishes. Thirteen years ago when they got married, he coaxed her into giving up her job, promising her a glamorous life style, better opportunities and a safer place to nurture a family. She quit and moved. Then there were the children and given that as a merchant mariner he was away for long periods, it made sense to not have a full time job.. the kids and home would be better with her full focus, is it not?.... he asked her.

She agreed, though she thought that she could manage, but he was right... after all the kids were young. The kids started school and she broached the issue again.. Didn't they need help with their homework? and what of the after school activities.. they needed someone to ferry them, right? It sort of seemed to make sense, though she dreamt of what she would do when they were a little older and started full time school.

It was the right time now, she thought and promised her friend part time assistance with an NGO which helped young children read and write. No, he shook his head.. my parents visit often and my mom will get bored when she is at home alone, especially when I am away....... but what about me, sitting alone for the past thirteen years.. she wanted to scream.

I am there to take care of you, sweetheart.. why do you need to work? you just enjoy the spoils of my global trips .. you are so pretty.. just stay that way... he said.

Edited to add- A friend read this post and said suggested I make a story out of this episode that happened at my yoga class. The incident so far is as was narrated by the lady in question. So what would you do if you were living in urban India today, were educated and equipped with more facets than just the maternal instinct (which most women are, even if they choose to prioritise according to circumstances)?

Here is a bit of fiction for this ending...

Can I go to the beauty salon? she asked..... of course, you must.. just pamper yourself, he said indulgently. As she pulled out of the driveway, she smiled in anticipation.. she was meeting 'him' .. Don't you worry.. I shall be pampered. I only wish I had begun this long ago ...

Creatures of habit

2010-10-20T17:20:00.000+05:30

Unseasonal rains... Pune has been seeing some of those for the past few days... never mind my friends who swear it is because I bought a few umbrellas on the off season clearance... :) This means that every evening the skies just open up and then the deluge. And deluge it is, mostly for a short time during which the roads are flooded and anyone on them is drenched to the skin. The greenery looks lush and beautiful after,but I digress.
Every evening, without fail, we walk our dogs ... or they walk us. We are as used to the walk as they are and the routine never varies. Grab the keys, shout for the dogs (who are hovering around us around walk time anyway and are out the door way before us), lock the door, grab the leash, grab a dog each and set off...
Imagine a scenario where the clouds look ominous and you hope to finish walking two big , walk addicted dogs before it pours. So last evening, when the clouds gathered, beautiful, heavy and threatening all at the same time, my husband just rushed around getting the windows shut and the place in order ( We live in a bunglow) before the walk. As he rushed around, he called out to the dogs and me (in that order) and grabbed the keys to the door. He was out the door and locked the place and grabbed the leash, all in super hero time. Very impressive... The dogs too rushed around joyously, impatiently... one next to me and the other inside the house... Super hero had locked up the very dog he was to walk! And so engrossed was he in the routine, he did not realize it initially.. When I got my dog, the vet told me that they do well on routine as they are creatures of habit. So used are we to their habits, we are becoming creatures of habit ourselves... I hope the day when we have to walk without the dogs is far away, but for now, I saw an expression on my husband's face that reminded me of another animal.. sheep..

So, here is the question, can you walk the dog, if the dog is missing? :)

Just for the asking....

2010-10-19T20:11:00.000+05:30

Book stores... one of my favourite places to be. Today I was at one and as usual ended up with more books ( eleven, to be exact) than I should have, at one go. The books are not really the subject of this post. While I was at the billing counter, the person put them in bright bags ( which I like for the small trivia that they have on them, but which I dislike for being plastic.. I am not militant about environmental issues, but I try not to add to the mess...)

Knowing that it will be just one more bag waiting at home to be put to good use, I asked the person why they do not have paper bags . "You want paper bag, ma'am?" he asked and pulled out some paper bags made out of newspaper. They had a label that proclaimed that the eco friendly bags were made by the Nirmalya trust, which helps the physically challenged.

So sometimes, all you have to do is ask!

P.S.I was surprised to see the brown paper bags that Big Bazaar is bagging it's veggies in, when I visited recently after a long gap.

Untamed

2010-10-18T17:03:00.001+05:30

I occasionally take on projects that are neither popular or easy. Saving strays does not make me very popular with my neighbors.. they do not say anything specific to me, but as we cross paths while on a walk or at the local store, I will hear things like, 'those strays are really making a mess' or ' couldn't sleep last night because those strays barked thru the night'.
Over the past few years I have developed a thick skin and just let those bounce off me, and pretend to understand their issues. Actually, I do sort of understand their issues, I have no love for dirty streets or sleep deprivation myself. Yet, what can those strays do?

There are no easy answers. the long term solution is to spay/ neuter them( admittedly, not easy) or stop taking up all the space as if it belongs to us humans alone .Even if we do want all the space, we can at least be gracious and compassionate about it. Let them live without pain and without being hounded all the time. ( ironic that we are the ones 'HOUNDING' them)

Anyhow, to came back to the reason for this post, I now have a small black dog that I feed and sort of take care of.( I use that term loosely, because he just flinches away even when I try to pet him.. I suppose humanity flinging stones and swinging sticks at you will make you suspicious) So now to treat his wounds, I am feeding him a steroid wrapped in a piece of food and then just fling the haldi in the general direction of his wound. Some of it sticks and most of it falls on the ground... oh well.. I am hoping I will get him to accept me and then try and find him a home.. hope the powers that be are on my side. My own dogs will be happy to see him go as they know that they are sharing the attention now.

I just hope he does not stay untamed for too long..

What's with a name?

2010-03-01T13:39:00.000+05:30

One of the most things that most would be parents agonise over is a name for their bundle of joy. We want it to be different, uncommon, unusual, trendy and so on. We scour the web, we ask almost everyone we meet, we read books, et al.

But you can tell that this craze for unusual names has gone out of control. How, you ask?

Why would you name your child Ateet, meaning the past. then there is Vasana, signifying lust. ( Or is that some sort of confessional thing? !!) The names on the hindi TV serials are probably showing the way.. so you have a Vansh meaning the race/clan, Sandhi, which was something I dreaded when learning sanskrit at school, Nami, which is ..well, very dampening... Then again, each to his own, I suppose, but would you not want your child to be the future rather than the Ateet ?

Of course, you could always remind how fruitful your life is, and name your child Apple - a la Gwyneth Paltrow!
Just a thought...

Mothers

2010-02-24T19:07:00.001+05:30

Watching him in the two minute dance sequence transported her.... ever since the doctors had told her at his birth that he would never walk or talk, she had been just imagining such a moment. She watched mesmerised, her son, on the stage, a part of the brightly dressed group of children, all swaying to some music. Her eyes teared up at the normalcy of the scene in front of her.All the gruelling sessions of therapy and her constant repetitive effort had not been lost.She Took some quick pictures to mail to her parents and her in-laws. Not everyone was always in step with one another, but 'the best show on earth' as far as the parents are concerned, she thought. After all, who could resist the spectacle of their child on such a platform. She felt bad that it was over. There was always next year!

There was so much pending work and with her son at his annual day function, it meant that she could go home later than usual. The maid could also leave at her normal time and she would not call every few minutes to whine about never going home on time. She felt a small guilty niggle. She had promised him she would come and see the small two minute performance, but with over 250 sets of parents, he would not be able to tell..... she had arranged for a friend to pick him up and would tell him that she had to run out for a meeting after his performance. She could just tell him how much she enjoyed the show and even offer that he could snuggle up with mom and dad for the night as a reward.. That with the pizza for dinner and the ice cream for dessert would do the trick. He was too young to suspect anything. There was always next year!

Are we regressing?

2010-02-16T14:42:00.000+05:30

A younger man fearlessly courting an older educated woman, a lecturer, no less, openly. A show that allegedly talks about the problems of child marriage (It even has a moral that appears at the end of each episode). A young woman crusading against female infanticide.. Just the images that warm the cockles of our progressive hearts. But cut to a few months later and the lecturer is waiting for the young man to masterfully fill her 'maang' (hair parting) with the sindoor in a temple ceremony before looking beatifically happy. So what happened to the image of the independent young woman? She got lost in the quest for the TRPs. The Child bride whose sister- in -law, a child bride too delivers a baby boy and everyone is happy that it is a boy! There is not even lip service to the dangers to becoming a mom so young. The young woman crusading against female infanticide falls hopelessly, irrevocably in love with the chief villain's son and forgets all about the poor infants, concentrating her energy on the hero who was stringing her along just for his mom's benefit. She turns into a house maid, forgetting all about her education and looks longingly at the very man who betrayed her. So much for liberation. All these shows claim to be on the side of the woman and are supposedly different from the regressive Saas- bahu shows. Really??

It is not just women alone who are the brunt of superstition, a recently started show has a the heroine appealing to a snake, 'Naag', to consume milk and leave them alone....and the wonder is that the snake goes against the laws of nature and does just that. You can expect a lot more snake charmers this 'Naag Panchmi' forcefully dipping poor snakes into milk, just to earn a quick buck. The least we can do is leave the poor animals to live with the laws of nature!! Looks like mankind is lost to the TV screen!

Why?

2010-02-14T19:49:00.001+05:30

I was at a birthday party for a thirteen year old when my mother called. Instead of her standard greeting she asked me where I was and whether we were all ok. Rather surprised, I assured her that we were and then asked her why she had asked. "There has been a bomb blast in Pune at German bakery" she said. It took the zing out of the party but the adults there speculated that it must be just a cylinder or some such. Three frantic 'are you ok?' calls and some web searches later, we had all accepted that this was a 'first' we did not want for Pune.

Then again, no one wants this, but it still happened. This one was just too close. It was 'Home'. The city we all love and crib about. The great education, the culture, traffic, the polllution, we talk about all those with passion. Now this. I discovered one thing last night though.. people fall silent when it is so close. They seem to introspect. Maybe they think of the times they were at the site and wonder 'what if?'. And yet though they look inward, they also look out for others. I got two offers of escort for my car ( I was a woman alone) and that was reassuring. Reassuring to know that while there are those who do inhuman acts, there are also those who show humanity and concern. As long as the latter outnumber the former, there will be hope. On this Valentines day, all I ask for is that hope.

Party Pooper

2010-02-14T17:41:00.000+05:30

My son has a birthday coming up and we have been making lists and talking about the food and generally doing everything that soon to be thirteen year olds do around their birthdays. Last night, back from a birthday party, he was full of ideas and I coaxed him to bed. Just as he was nodding off, he suddenly perked up and said "Amma, I am telling all my friends to leave their cell phones at home." Mildly curious at this strange and seemingly undue dislike for cell phones, I prompted him to explain. " You know Amma, today we did not have much fun. Most of the kids had cell phones with blue-tooth and they just sit exchanging games and stuff on the phone. The worst part is they do not even play those games. We can do such stuff anytime, but when so many of us meet at one place, it would be great to play outside. I want to play on my birthday. Not be stuck to some phone. So I am banning cell phones" he declared.

Social scientists have been shouting themselves hoarse about how technology is making us progressively anti social, but here was the proof from the mouth of a young child. He might or might not get away with the ban because his friends are not old enough to take offense. Imagine though, what fun we could have if we did the same. I know of concerts, conversations and even funerals that are interrupted by the teeny cell phone. Dare we follow a young one's example the next time??

Catch them young!

2010-01-09T11:23:00.000+05:30

It came up during a random conversation with my twelve, almost thirteen, year old son. I was attempting to get him into bed to sleep and he was trying to prolong the wake time! He said ' Amma, VI and DA (two boys in his class) are going for classes'. Not overly surprised, as tuitions are quite the norm even in seventh grade, I responded with a 'So? just go to sleep'. ' Amma, they are going for classes so they can join the IIT coaching at the same place next year'.

Now he had my attention. The children in question were bouncy twelve year olds, in grade seven. My first brush with the IIT/ medical entrance coaching was when my older son, now seventeen, was in class eight. An anxious mom had shared the information that there were children who had enrolled for the all important classes, while she and I were just ostensibly just twiddling our thumbs. For a brief while I had even examined and entertained the concept of sending a child to preparatory classes for five years just so he could enter a four year degree program (After all, I did not want to be the only irresponsible parent, who cost her children the best opportunity of their life). I discarded the idea when it struck me that the child (even if he made it to the desired college) would have spent less time earning a degree than he would trying to get in... seemed a bit skewed to me, but then that is just my personal opinion.

Now here was something new... in the five years since the first brush, they were catching them even younger!! Now you had to be coached to be coached to get the engineering / medical coaching!!

Obviously, I am behind the times, because when I mentioned this to a friend, she gave me another twist.. There are separate coaching classes that ensure that you get into the professional coaching classes that coach you for college. I do realize that the word 'Coach' has occurred far too many times in this space. Talk to any parent though, and the conversation is smothered with the word.

So here is the question... just where will it stop? There will soon be classes from the fifth grade, then the third and then nursery! The baby Einstein products ( quite the rage a while ago) are allegedly not doing too well in the west these days as they did not make much difference.. .. maybe we should share this idea with the world and it may become a best seller..... So what if a child of twelve committed suicide just this week in Mumbai, because he failed in a class exam? So what if we read about such suicides in the papers almost everyday? After all it is the survival of the fittest.. and if this means only those who can take the incredible pressure so be it. Just catch them young. The younger the better!

A wonderful new year to all!!

2010-01-07T11:54:00.000+05:30

A friend recently shared this lovely poem with me..
It says it all so beautifully.. it has been penned by Ella Wheeler Wilcox. ....

The Year
WHAT can be said in New Year rhymes,
That's not been said a thousand times?
The new years come, the old years go,
We know we dream, we dream we know.
We rise up laughing with the light,
We lie down weeping with the night.
We hug the world until it stings,
We curse it then and sigh for wings.
We live, we love, we woo, we wed,
We wreathe our prides, we sheet our dead.
We laugh, we weep, we hope, we fear,
And that's the burden of a year.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox... I don't think it can be said in a better way...

How will it be?

2009-12-27T18:53:00.000+05:30

Today is a quiet day. The kind when the weather ( cool dark winter), the occasion ( the Xmas weekend), and the place, all sort of conspire to be calm and placid, even boring. The boys are in their rooms doing what they do and the dogs seem hard put to find something to bark at.It all makes for a lot of mind wandering and random thoughts. It has now begun to sink in... that my first born will be off to a far far away college. For the last ten days I am seeing signs of it everyday. Till now they were signs that made me happy and proud. After all, not everyone who wants to can get into the college of their choice.. Yet now, I understand that I will not see him every weekend, or even every month... I will just see him about twice year.. hopefully !

Years ago I had read a line which has stayed with me all through my motherhood years.. "We teach children to walk and talk, so we can tell them to shut up and sit down" and when they do shut up and sit somewhere , we miss all the motion and the noise! Humans never leave things be, do they?!